top five reasons why i'm more stubborn than you

5. i refuse to dress appropriately for the weather. i use lots of excuses, such as the fact that i'm from ohio or that i don't mind, but really...i have no good reason. i have a coat that is good for playing in the snow, and the next step below that is sweatshirts, with nothing in between. i have no plans to remedy this in the near future unless i absolutely have to (like if i move to alaska or russia or somewhere equally cold).

4. when i ask you a question and you don't answer it the way i wanted you to, i will repeat my question over and over again until you tell me what i want to hear. i don't change my question. i just ask it lots of times. lately this doesn't work on reporters, but i'm working on it. in a few weeks, i plan to have a full-fledged interrogation system that works on everyone.

3. i will wait outside in the pouring rain with my arms outstretched for long amounts of time because you owe me a hug. even when it's wet and cold and you are just trying to prove that you are more stubborn than me (you might be).

2. if i want to do something and no one else does, too bad. i will go by myself and do it anyways.

1. i just am.

i know we've come so far...

...but we've got so far to go.

this week is going to be hard. i can feel it.

but amazingly, march is practically, finally, just-about over. it always seems like the longest and craziest month ever, but apparently if you fill it full of reporting and plays and working and too many classes...it gets over pretty quick. crazy to think that in just two more weeks, i'll be done with classes. and another week after that, finals will be over too.

oh, summer. i just don't know what to do with you.

oh, how the tables have turned.

let's be as vague as possible for a minute here.

things are happening. choices are presenting themselves. consequences are questionable, but also guaranteed. results will be both good and bad, either way. the only somewhat-conclusive thought in my mind is that it will either be here or there, and not somewhere in between. there are already too many opportunities on each side to even begin trying to further complicating matters by taking a closer look at any sort of middle ground. and with each side of my decision...things will happen.

when words fail, indistinct familiarities are the only things that seem to sustain my restless mind. come what may, and love it. but...what a choice. after only two and a half weeks (is that really as long as it's been?) there's so much more to worry about and wonder about and consider. plus how everything is the opposite. funny how that happens sometimes.

a little sad.

today was [[like that]].

it's a weird combination of...
-being homesick, but not wanting to go home
-and not wanting to stay where i am, but not knowing where i want to go
-and not wanting to leave, but not wanting other people to leave me
-and not wanting to be around other people, but not wanting to be alone
-and wanting to be comforted, but also wanting someone to tell me that sometimes things are just messed up and that's how it is and there's nothing more to do about it
-and anger and frustration and sadness and happiness
-and a bright open future, but an uncertain one as well
-and wanting nothing and everything all at once

ten thousands words

here are pictures from my phone. i give each of them two words.

the other 998 should speak for themselves.

glass paintings


my team


cemetery playground


esperanza rising


vomit pumpkin


skinny dipping


find nemo


chicago airport


24 hours


favorite place

addict

i met some interesting people this week when i worked on my story. i went up to sandy and met the clients of the ark of little cottonwood, a drug rehab center. they were super-nice and i loved it. they talked to me about how addiction is a disease, just like cancer, and how they are all just trying to figure out how to kick it. it was sad to hear them talk about how their insurance wouldn't cover a month in rehab, but it would cover the hospital billls if they OD-ed and had to spend a month there. it was like, they would only help out after it was too late...so much for preventative medicine. it was an eye-opening experience and i was glad to have worked on the story and met so many amazing people (who just happened to be recovering drug addicts). "people like them" always get a bad rap, so i was glad to get to see another side of things.

in honor of them, here is a list of things i'm addicted to. some habits i'm trying to get rid of, and some of them i'm working on building.

-diet coke with lime
-singing in the car
-justin timberlake
-work / working / being busy
-running
-straightening my hair
-new balance shoes
-the book of mosiah
-buying (way too much) stuff at vs
-very black mascara

i love reporting. i get to do new things every week and learn about whatever i want. once i get over being terrible at it, i could be awesome.

newspaper?

se7en.

dear ohio,

i'm scared that i may never see you again. time has passed, things have changed, and maybe we've just grown too far apart. at this point, i'm still trying to work it out in my mind. but i will love you forever. of course.

longingly, from anna.

* * * * *

dear homeless guy who asked me to marry him on thursday,

i'm sorry it didn't work out. i know i said i'd be back to slc, but friday got busy and i ended up not going tonight either...so maybe later this week? i'll admit that ring was nice and your friends seemed cool. maybe we'll run into each other around the chamber of commerce building again someday.

lovingly, from anna.

* * * * *

dear scott,

i wish i was at your house instead of being exhausted and tired here. because let's be honest. the ratio of gummy-bears to not-gummy-bears is strongly in favor of you and yours. also, i miss the gummy bear palace.

remorsefully, from anna.

* * * * *

dear dinosaurs,

i never really got to see you. but i wish i did.

sadly, from anna.

* * * * *

dear rj,

i don't know who you are. but i wish i did. also, we should go grocery shopping together.

secretly, from anna.

* * * * *

dear feet,

i'm sorry for walking so much today in those ridiculous high heels. i think we can both look back on that and agree that it was not our best idea ever. next week...we'll go flats.

sorely, from anna.

* * * * *

dear spring break,

it has been a long time. i almost forget what you are like altogether. but i miss you terribly and every night before i go to bed, i wish you would magically reappear in my life and shower me with love and kisses just like you always used to.

exhaustedly, from anna.

eff.

today was slightly kind of ridiculous.

plus, it ended the way it began...with me totally effing things up.

love those bookend days.

regardless, i keep thinking about how i have another four and a half weeks of class before it's summer. that sounds totally insane. i have no idea what i want to do over the summer. but then again, that is sort of the theme of my life lately...having no clue what i want. seems like deciding requires some sort of commitment and determining a direction in life. and that's a scary thing. in some ways, i feel so ready. and in others, i'm mostly just terrified. so much to think about. like...

"good things take time. but great things happen in just a moment."

^really? i don't know. i just don't know if i can believe that. but i want to.

slogging through the week

when i think about the way my week has been, there is only one word that fits the way i have felt.

but then i was thinking...there must be more. so i checked the internet. according to thesaurus.com, here are some synonyms for the word SLOG:

- bear down - buckle down - drag - drudge - flounder - grind -
- labor - lumber - plod - plough through - plug - schlepp -
- slave - stomp - sweat - toil - tramp - trudge -

yes. i think those help.

either way, it's about halfway over (ish). i still need to finish my package for the daily news, endure another couple of tech rehearsals for macbeth, and do lots of other things that i can't even think about right now. like write papers. rrr.

on a less positive note, i updated my calendar with all the performances of the show that i need to work at...basically every single night for the entire rest of the month. and then some of next month. so overall i'm pretty stoked to get this show on the road (no pun intended), because by the time it's done:

1. it will be springtime.
2. the semester will be just about over.
3. i should have some vague idea of my summer plans.
4. it will be general conference weekend (yay!).
5. the show will be over and i get to have evenings again (if i am even able to remember what they are by then).

oh well. time to go log some tape.

running.

i ran a 5k yesterday.

it was the run for red race and my sister told me about it and then we went yesterday and ran it and it was kind of cool. i haven't run in a real race since high school, for the record, and i've never run in utah (which has, quite possibly, the worst air EVER in the history of the world -- it's thin because of the high altitude and full of yucky pollution) so basically i was pretty nervous. but we ran it together and i didn't even die.
















(p.s. there were like 400ish people running...)

i had forgotten how awesome it feels to race against other people. i'm kind of super-competitive so, i loved passing people and getting to run with my big sis and everything. this definitely will not be my last race, but i've sure got a lot of training to do. because, for real. i just do.

i had been debating running the half marathon next month...a full ten miles longer than today's run. and now...hah. i guess we'll see. i've got a busy couple of weeks coming up so i don't know how much running i'm going to get to do. but i love running.

another letter

dear you.

i don't know why i have such a strange fascination with writing things in letter form. i have found myself doing this in many places, from blog entries to text messages to facebook posts to real-life conversations. maybe it is because of my suppressed disgust with technology and my nostalgia for the old days, simpler times...when you got letters in the mail instead of junk mail in your inbox. i miss that personal touch that comes from a human signature at the bottom of a page, instead of some obscure [email] address that you could [obviously] never find on mapquest. i wish people could make connections with people, instead of having to send a micro-message hurtling through outer space before it touches down in the addressee's "personal" computer. although i apologize for my obsession with the letter format, i will not renounce it, nor will i discontinue my use of it.

thanks,
from anna.

p.s. i don't know why this is in a weird font.

procrastinating (...in a good way)

okay, okay. i should have written my ethics paper earlier. like maybe yesterday or last week or some other time that isn't right now. but i've tried to keep myself from doing homework on sundays, so i've put this off til after midnight and have been doing other things tonight instead.

meanwhile, i stumbled across an old conference talk tonight...almost thirty years old. it's called "the household of faith," by j. richard clarke. he gave this talk back in 1980, when the u.s. was going through (another) recession, so it feels like he's talking to us today at the same time.

my favorite part is when he says, "isn’t it interesting how a luxury once enjoyed soon becomes a necessity?"

as citizens of the u.s., everyone is entitled to certain rights and liberties and it's all in the constitution and that's great. but i cannot get over the greed and selfishness of a select handful of people in our wonderful country. they are not looking out for the country as a whole -- they are thinking about their next european vacation or the luxury automobile that would fit in nicely to their already-full nine-car garage. they want things that will make them happy. and can we fault them for this?

no. of course not. this is america. everyone is entitled -- even encouraged -- to want things and work to earn things and make themselves fabulously wealthy, since money buys you happiness. but at the same time...argh. there's no good way to word this at all. let's start over.

people who work harder and are better at things deserve more stuff. that's the nature of free-market capitalism, right? but is it really necessary to be making hundreds of millions of dollars a year while others are starving to death in some alleyway a few streets down from your summer villa?

i guess homeless people aren't really doing much to better their situation, so maybe i shouldn't defend them. or maybe they are. i don't know. i'm not really sure what i'm trying to say. i just think that it's interesting that people feel ENTITLED to be bailed out when things go bad.

that's it. time to write that ethics paper.

february. in one word or less.

every night last month i picked a word that sort of encapsulated my day, something i learned or something i thought about a lot. i'm going to throw all the little post-it's away since there's tons now and they are sort of taking over the back of my bedroom door...but this is what they were.

family - chill - remember - thankful - prepare - patient - careful - listen - weakness - control - go - stop - best - love - talk - run - watch - nearer - light - sisters - awake - ask - care - sun - think - hope - bounce - decide

in life, brevity is key. it keeps people from slamming the door in your face and allows you to tell a good story before someone changes the channel. so...this was good practice.

'bye, february.

remember how the year is one-sixth over?

time just happens lately. this is what i have noticed anyways. there's papers to write and work to do and races to run (like next weekend...yay) and people to meet and stories to tell and before you know it...you're old. everything sort of happened and what were you doing?

working all day (literally) and then watching a movie and falling asleep on a saturday night.

i think i'm one of few people who can be content with working all day and getting things done. should i mind that my roommates went to wendover and there's fun things happening in slc and i could have gone out with some other people tonight and i decided to spend the night at home with lex instead? (if you don't know lex...there's a blog post brewing about him...coming up soon). maybe. but for whatever reason, i don't. blame my self-reliant childhood, my troubled teenage years, my hands-off parents, my multiple college lives (there's definitely more than a few), my middle-child genes, or whatever you want -- i just need to be alone sometimes.