the brownie champ.

i have always kind of prided myself on my baking skills. i don't have a ton, but i love cooking and trying new kinds of food. i don't like to use someone else's recipe and i don't like to measure, so it is always a surprise to see how things turn out. just in the past week, i have made chocolate swirl cheesecake, two different kinds of brownies, a pasta salad and a few other main dishes -- all from scratch or improvised from dishes i have seen before.

in other, slightly-related news, i'm on the ward prayer committee. there's four of us in the group -- two boys and two girls. today, the girls made treats and, as it turned out, we both made brownies. she brought hers upstairs and i left mine downstairs in the kitchen. (i feel like i should also preface this by saying that this girl is really pretty and really skinny and really nice. one of those girls that you want to hate, but you cant) so after ward prayer is over, everyone eats brownies and is happy and things are good.

i went downstairs to get my plate and it was empty and everyone in the kitchen told me how yummy my brownies were (yay) and it was cool. and then i saw the other girl on the committee bringing her plate downstairs -- still mostly full. she made a comment about how my brownies must have been awesome since they were gone. maybe she was kidding, but i don't care.

BASICALLY EVERYONE LOVED MY BROWNIES AND NOT HERS.

and i realize this has nothing to do with how she is prettier than me or skinnier than me or nicer than me or really anything at all.

but who cares? that's still a win in my book.

little by little.

by the time i fell asleep last night, it was about 10:30 PM. but let's be real -- that's still a significant improvement from the past two weeks. i woke up at 5:10 AM today and went about my life like usual...getting my typical mid-day you've-been-awake-too-long headache around 2 PM. rrr.

it's kind of frustrating. i mean, i went to bed wayyy earlier than i have been. shouldn't i get one great day when i don't have a headache or feel not-good at some point? don't i at least deserve that much???

and the more i thought about it, the dumber it sounded. it seems like results should be instantaneous. you get more sleep -- BOOM. you should have an awesome day. you run six miles a day -- BOOM. you should be able to get in shape in a snap. you eat fruits and vegetables for every meal -- BOOM. your immune system should realize that you are properly nutrified (is that a word?) and take better care of itself.

and yet...that's never the case.

so -- long term. gotta start thinking "big picture." it's not about one night of sleep or one yogilates session or three to five vegetables a day. it's about cultivating good habits and practicing and training your mind and body to do the things they should do.

and even though i'm rational enough now to write it all down...i wish it was the other way. because, wouldn't that just be way easier? *exasperated*

tired.

sometimes when i'm really tired, i think about all of the things i need to do on a given night. like tonight -- i need to study for my spanish test. solidify my lighting design concept for children of eden. do the reading for my pogp class and take a quiz. read a chapter of my international communications book and answer the questions at the end. go for a run. find my blue sweatshirt. buy stuff for collin's cake tomorrow. catch up on the day's news.

even just listing all of those things are exhausting.

and then the best part: instead of doing any of it, i'm going to go to bed instead. yep...at 9:30 on a tuesday night. because for the past two weeks, i haven't had more than (#) of consecutive hours of sleep (i don't know if i want to say it because my mom will think i am crazy...) and now i am just too tired. so now...sleep. g'night all.

week three.

i'm not quite done with my third week of school yet. and guess what?

i'm exhausted.

seems kind of silly, but i still can't seem to get a handle on my sleeping habits. that whole getting up for my 7AM class (everyday!) is really putting a wrench in the cogs of my otherwise awesome life. i'm still just as busy as always, running back and forth between the newsroom and the theatre and classes and trying to do fun things...i just need more time to sleep.

well...to sleep and watch top model. if i had time for those two things, i would be totally good to go.

in other news, after almost three entire weeks of school, i have made it to my 7AM spanish class on-time or early EVERY DAY. i know, i know...i don't know how i've made it this far either...

world of dance.

the show i'm working on this week is "world of dance." it is a lot of things, including ballet dancers, folk dancers, tap dancers, ballroom dancers, modern dancers, and all sorts of other crazy things. it's really entertaining and i've watched it a few times now (with many more performances still to come this week). each dance is so unique and different...very cool overall.

i guess what i'm trying to talk about is diversity. sure, some of these folk dances have been around for ages, but many of the more modern-type dances are very new. if you turned back the clock a couple decades, you wouldn't see dancing or theatre or books or music like you do today.

so in the middle of a week where people can't seem to get over the fact that some mtv execs gave kanye a few too many extra shots of patron before the show, i think we might be better off thinking about how cool it was to have a hip-hop rapper guy and a teenage country singer sharing the stage (if only for a few brief moments) at an awards show that celebrates so many more different kinds of music. this kind of encounter would never have happened if it was just ten or fifteen years ago. "mainstream" music is becoming more diverse and opening the doors for different kinds of experimentation. and if all these worlds happen to collide at the vma's, then i'm okay with that.

...we all know it was probably a publicity stunt anyways.

osu football.

what a ridiculous game today.

can i just say that? they were doing so well until everything just fell apart in the last minute.

at least the owlz won their playoff game tonight. and byu totally owned tulane. but neither victory can make up for the gigantic hole in my heart that grows a little more with every buckeye game that we should have won.

at the store.

went to macey's yesterday evening with my fav roommate and best ex-neighbor to look for some snacks. saw this guy pushing his two kids around in a cart a few times and then again at the check-out lane. what was in their cart?

four boxes of these...

and one of these...

and that was it! overall...greatest dad ever. better watch out for cavities : )

* * * * *

in other news, it was world hula hoop day today. also awesome.

productivity.

i woke up this morning. went to my spanish class. caught up with my home teacher from last semester. had a text battle with my ex-bowling-teacher. came home. read some of the new york times. ran four miles. then came back home to shower and get ready for work.

and it's only 9:30 a.m.

if only i could be this productive all the time...

while i was sleeping...

so i've officially been back in utah for just over a week now. and of course my sleeping schedule is fubar-ed (that's a word i learned at my internship over the summer...it's an acronym, in case you want to try to figure it out) because of the time difference and the non-stop days of driving and the new class schedule and my super-early spanish class and the staying up late and the random naps and everything else.

not that i'm surprised. when my little sister told me she hadn't been getting a lot of sleep lately, i just told her, "welcome to college." but i think i took it one step further this morning.

i'll be honest. i was out late last night. i think i went to bed around four. when i woke up around noon to get ready for church (which is at one), i noticed something unusual on my phone -- i had made a phone call at about 9 a.m...and talked to someone for about ten minutes.

i have no idea what we talked about.

i texted M tonight to ask what i might have said, but he thinks the entire situation is hilarious and won't tell me anything that happened during our conversation. and he's one of my really good friends, so there are very few things i wouldn't talk to him about anyways, but still...hah.

guess i need to find a way to get enough sleep this semester so i can avoid any potentially embarrassing social faux pas over the next few months...

top 7 reasons why my summer was the best ever

...all these gorgeous people!

i miss them : (

cara -- the very first reporter i ever worked with

brittany -- so good at live shots and an awesome vocal coach

kurt -- my desk neighbor and tv idol from when i was younger

andy -- best stand-ups ever and always had fun stories to work on

ross -- full of indispensable advice, words of wisdom, and always had answers to my questions.

lindsey -- such a good storyteller and writer and basically the nicest person there ever was.

ritter -- best photog ever. mostly responsible for turning me into "anna carerra" and probably definitely my favorite person to work with.

(all photos courtesy of ritter thinking to bring a camera on my last day since he figured i might forget)

totally changing my mind.

i love a lot of things.

not being able to do everything i want to is not one of those things.

i wish there was more time in my life but there's just not...and that's frustrating. so can i just say that some things are going to change in order to make this work? because that is just what needs to happen so that i can stay sane for the next few months.

well...maybe "get sane." or at least not die.