lost car.

in some of the strangest turn of events in a long time, i lost lex today.

i went to the gym after work to go for a run, like i usually do, and when i came out to drive home, he was not there. i was very confused. maybe i overdid it by running a little harder than usual and taking an adventurous trek on the stairstepper on top of that, but i didn't think i was out-of-it enough to misplace my dear car. but somehow...i did.

my head was spinning with stupid ideas. did i leave my doors unlocked? does someone know where my spare key is? did my brakes give out and let lex roll away? why would someone want my car? is someone playing some weird joke on me? nothing made sense.

i walked around the parking lot a few times, trying to remember the path i walked to get inside just a few short hours earlier. i retraced my steps...stopped to think...wtf. the four boys in the red suv were staring at me like i was a crazy person. and probably i am.

finally, i found him. apparently he was hiding behind this monstrosity of a white pick up truck...it must have been like a ford 650 or something gargantuan like that. anyways...there he was. i unlocked my door like nothing unusual happened and drove away as if my frantic escapade of pacing around the parking lot was just another part of my workout routine.

and that was my today.

"loneliness is my freedom."

^overheard today.

sad. being alone is okay sometimes, but also it's nice to be with people.

in other news, in the past 24 hours, i saw two fireworks shows, had two glasses of hand-squeezed lemonade and went to four different parades. i met tons of people, many of whom i will not remember by tomorrow morning when i see them again, and saw a couple of old friends from high school. it's been a pretty eventful fourth of july. and now i'm exhausted.

between here and there.

i'd have to say i'm somewhere in the middle.

i'm being encouraged, but more than that, i'm being pushed. and i'm glad i am, because otherwise, i might not be working so hard at it. i hate jackets. and my voice doesn't naturally come through my diaphragm when i want it to. i talk fast. i don't even really like having my hair down. and i never seem to know the right things to say. and yet...here i am.

obviously, i'm clinging to everything i've ever known and been able to hold on to for so long...but i can tell i'm changing. at least a little bit.

what's different this summer?

i love wearing high heels; i even kind of prefer to. i wear skirts all the time, even when i don't have to. i wear my hair down. i'm exhausted by 1 AM, because i wake up at six or seven every morning. special k red berries has become my favorite food ever. mac cosmetics (omg...awesome). i quit my job to work at a place that doesn't pay me (i've had at least one or two or three jobs since i was like 16) and that works me almost 50 hours a week. and yet...i actually have time to see my family every once in a while and get at least four decent runs in every week. i talk to strangers. i go places i've never been before. i do stories. and i changed my name.

time to be a grown up, anna carerra.