reasons why i'm glad i'm not a t-rex.

1. big head...little arms : )
2. when you go to the dentist, they will scrape all of your teeth for like a half hour, only to tell you that your teeth look "perfect" and to keep doing what you're doing. plus you have tons of teeth because you're a t-rex.
3. probably would be extinct by now.
4. tons of herbivores ganging up on you to try to take you out.
5. huge tail makes it hard to find pants that fit.
6. only two fingers.

REASONS WHY I SORT OF WISH I WAS A T-REX:

1. if you don't like someone, you can totally stomp on them.
2. eat basically whatever you want, whenever you want.
3. king of the dinosaurs means you don't have to be re-elected
4. ridiculous leg muscles.
5. tons of teeth, up to a foot long and all different shapes and sizes.
6. would have totally crunched the dentist yesterday instead of having a check-up.

slick roads.

i've been ranting and raving a lot lately, but there's some things i just need to say and this has become my place to do it. today's topic: cars.

#1. just because it is raining does not mean you have to stop driving. use windshield wipers, turn on your lights, do what you gotta do...just don't stop. especially when you are on the highway and i am behind you.

#2. if you are seriously terrified of driving in the rain because you (a.) have never seen it before in your life or (b.) you are just a total crazy person, then slow down. that's cool too. just don't do it in the fast lane when i'm right behind you (again).

#3. when it's not raining and you are driving really fast and then you suddenly see a cop car and slow down to like 40 MPH (on the highway)...just don't even bother. first of all, he's probably already zapped your speed, so...too late. secondly, who are you kidding? no one actually drives 25 under on the highway, and the cop isn't going to honestly believe you do either. and thirdly, you need to watch better for cops because you have slow reflexes. okay, thanks.

#4. passing on the right is illegal btw.

#5. i'm a nice driver. i really am. just don't do stupid things to make me hate you. that's all i'm saying.

interns.

let me tell two stories. after all...that's what i do.

story #1.

i was chatting with one of the interns today (all the interns have names that start with "k" sounds...like katie or kelly or claire EXCEPT FOR ME. oh and they're blonde too) and she was like, oh when is your last day? and i told her i had about a month to go. she told me it was her last week, which i thought was unusual since it seems like she just got here. apparently she has only been at the station for a month and she is leaving already to go on vacation and then, instead of coming back, she is going to take two weeks off before going back to school.

okay. can i just say that i've been here THREE MONTHS and i don't ever want to leave?

story #2.

another ka-someone was complaining during the morning meeting about how tired she was and how she would so much rather go home and go back to bed than come into work today. and granted, the meeting is at 9 am, and that's kind of early, but seriously. if you don't want to be here...go home.

after 400+ hours (since i'm required to do 280...) i still love every minute of it. there is never a day that i wake up and don't want to go to the station because everything about it is AWESOME. can i just say that? it is.

OH IT IS YOUR LUCKY DAY -- YOU GET A BONUS STORY.

story #3.

i am (working on) posting some of my stories on facebook. it takes FOREVER DAYS to upload them, so it's going to be a process. but if you want to check out me in action...do it.

the end.

my 93 days of summer (so far).

wow...time flies.

i remember writing about how anxious i was for the summer, before i knew what all it had in store for me --

"summer anxiety" - saturday, 21 february 2009, 12:00:14

is it to wrong to be totally anxious about summer when it is still february? i know, i know. there's still such a long way to go. but at the same time...not really.

and while i want to go back to ohio...i sort of don't.

and while i don't mind staying here...i sort of do.

oh, summer anxiety. at least i know i'll have to be back here in september for classes again. that's the one thing i can count on. but even that doesn't thrill me...

looking back, i'm so glad i came to ohio. this is definitely where i needed to be for the past few months and i can't regret any part of my decision to be here. and now that my summer's mostly over...that's still all i have -- the knowledge that i'll be back in utah in 35 days, leaving behind my summer of 10tv and nauvoo and the beach and road trips and friday night movie nights and my ohio friends and the ridiculous boys and lifetime fitness and the fireworks and the singles ward and and my queen-sized bed and all the heartbreaks and let-downs and the amazing dreams-come-true and everything...memories that will be left to fade in the coming months like my barely-there tanlines.

once the calendar flips and i start feeling the pressure of august coming up, i know i'll start being nervous again. as a girl who knows nothing of staying in one place for more than four months at a time before being uprooted again, i know all to well that nothing is for certain. the only true guarantees are goodbyes, and i've grown to hate those as well. at least sad goodbyes mean that your time wasn't wasted...

so here's to the rest of my summer. who knows how it'll end up or whether i'll still be in one piece by the end of it. come what may, and love it...right?

so "utah."

i was born in pittsburgh.

i lived most of my life in ohio.

but i've spent a grand total of 34 months in utah over the past four years, and i'll admit...there are parts of me that are so "utah."

and by "parts of me," i mean maybe just one part (since i've been trying to think of more ways and i just can't find any more). so basically (drumroll, please...) i still think it's weird when people walk around naked in gym locker rooms. and that's it.

there. i said it. no one wants to see that. now put some clothes on.

stars.

i couldn't fall asleep the other night. this is highly unusual for me, since usually i am so busy running around like a crazy person all day that i just pass out the second my head hits the pillow. but for one night this summer...that was not the case. i laid in bed, sleepless, for a while, maybe for minutes at a time, i'm not really sure. (that sure was a lot of commas for one sentence though) but as i was staring at my ceiling, i saw the stars. and i remembered.

wayyy back in the day when i lived in this room, i put glow in the dark stickers on the ceiling, mostly because they are awesome. over time, some of them have fallen off or maybe were taken down, but that night i realized some of them were still there. it gave me super-flash-backs of jumping up and down on the bed with my sisters, trying to get high enough to reach the ceiling so we could put the stickers up, trying to balance a chair on the bed (to no avail) and a bunch of other crazy kid things we did.

being a kid was good times. and now i'm practically a grown-up (sort of). but i still really like the star stickers on my ceiling.

cleaning out my closet.

i've been doing some rearranging this week. i'm trying to consolidate so that i can move all my crap out when i leave at the end of the summer, but it's fixing to be a bigger challenge that i originally planned.

first...there's clothes. omg there's so much clothes. i've already weeded through things i know i can live without and now it's down to the billions of things that i'm not sure i can do without and i sort of want to hang on to...old concert tees, race shirts, things that maybe i haven't worn in a long time but that i can't quite bear to part with. because you NEVER KNOW. you never know. you might need something and then be pissed to remember you've thrown it away.

plus i can't find my new black skirt...where did i put it?!

then there's all my stuff. and by stuff, i mean memories. two of those giant tupperware container things, full of old journals, books, awards, notebooks stuffed with scribbles and notes and love letters and ramblings, pictures, keepsakes, whatever...you name it, i'm emotionally attached to it. i'm determined to get it down to one box before the end of the summer, but that might mean going through every single piece of paper and photograph -- i can't bear the thought of throwing something away without taking one last look and being positive that i can live without it.

this is going to take a while...good thing i've got like a month.5 left...

lost car.

in some of the strangest turn of events in a long time, i lost lex today.

i went to the gym after work to go for a run, like i usually do, and when i came out to drive home, he was not there. i was very confused. maybe i overdid it by running a little harder than usual and taking an adventurous trek on the stairstepper on top of that, but i didn't think i was out-of-it enough to misplace my dear car. but somehow...i did.

my head was spinning with stupid ideas. did i leave my doors unlocked? does someone know where my spare key is? did my brakes give out and let lex roll away? why would someone want my car? is someone playing some weird joke on me? nothing made sense.

i walked around the parking lot a few times, trying to remember the path i walked to get inside just a few short hours earlier. i retraced my steps...stopped to think...wtf. the four boys in the red suv were staring at me like i was a crazy person. and probably i am.

finally, i found him. apparently he was hiding behind this monstrosity of a white pick up truck...it must have been like a ford 650 or something gargantuan like that. anyways...there he was. i unlocked my door like nothing unusual happened and drove away as if my frantic escapade of pacing around the parking lot was just another part of my workout routine.

and that was my today.

"loneliness is my freedom."

^overheard today.

sad. being alone is okay sometimes, but also it's nice to be with people.

in other news, in the past 24 hours, i saw two fireworks shows, had two glasses of hand-squeezed lemonade and went to four different parades. i met tons of people, many of whom i will not remember by tomorrow morning when i see them again, and saw a couple of old friends from high school. it's been a pretty eventful fourth of july. and now i'm exhausted.

between here and there.

i'd have to say i'm somewhere in the middle.

i'm being encouraged, but more than that, i'm being pushed. and i'm glad i am, because otherwise, i might not be working so hard at it. i hate jackets. and my voice doesn't naturally come through my diaphragm when i want it to. i talk fast. i don't even really like having my hair down. and i never seem to know the right things to say. and yet...here i am.

obviously, i'm clinging to everything i've ever known and been able to hold on to for so long...but i can tell i'm changing. at least a little bit.

what's different this summer?

i love wearing high heels; i even kind of prefer to. i wear skirts all the time, even when i don't have to. i wear my hair down. i'm exhausted by 1 AM, because i wake up at six or seven every morning. special k red berries has become my favorite food ever. mac cosmetics (omg...awesome). i quit my job to work at a place that doesn't pay me (i've had at least one or two or three jobs since i was like 16) and that works me almost 50 hours a week. and yet...i actually have time to see my family every once in a while and get at least four decent runs in every week. i talk to strangers. i go places i've never been before. i do stories. and i changed my name.

time to be a grown up, anna carerra.