transitions.

even though everyone thinks i'm crazy, i honestly didn't mind driving to utah by myself. sure, it was two days of being by myself on the open road, but i seriously need that time for making my big transition.

it's weird...to go from spending my days at channel ten to coming back to provo for school and the daily news and a brand new newsroom (abc4...starting tomorrow!) -- i just need a minute to wrap my head around it. and actually...those two days were probably not quite enough. but oh well. time to jump back into the swing of things and get going.

i've been juggling classes and add/drop cards all day. for the first time in my byu life, i have added a class that was already full...what a rush. to go to a class that i wasn't technically supposed to attend and to gain admittance to it. and now, i get to take it : ) life is good.

my schedule is getting a lot better. aside from my 7AM spanish class (taught by a romanian guy...) everything should be awesome, and i'm even not dreading spanish too much. the teacher seems really cool and he seriously wants us to enjoy coming to class because...duh. it's wayyy early.

i'm trying to figure out if i'll have time to work in the newsroom, but it's looking like i probably won't. i'm still trying to work through my design for "children of eden" and figure out my internship and find time to make some money in between taking a producing class twice a week and a bazillion other things.

oh. and fun. one of the many bits of advice i got from my summer internship -- have fun during my senior year! it makes sense. plus, if i end up getting a job (somehow) after i graduate, this will be the last time i have to just enjoy my life and my lack of (serious) responsibilities. so i'm determined to live it up and do fun things.

so there.

i'm excited for this year. new newsroom, new challenges, fun classes, old friends and lots of opportunities -- i just gotta decide what i want to do.

i still miss my old newsroom though : (

10TV will always have a special place in my <3

p.s. hi mom!

last week / made in china

i am so dreading these next few days.

i hate countdowns. i hate leaving something, even though i know i'm going somewhere that i will be happy and still doing things that i love to do. i hate saying goodbye and i hate knowing that i won't be there and that it just won't be the same again.

this summer has been epic.

in other news, i made a wonderful cobb salad tonight, plus these yummy chicken-filled croissants (it's good...i swear) and i am excited to try my sugar-free blueberry muffin recipe this week. i love cooking so much. also next on my list...cinnamon rolls, from scratch (duh). my new resolution is to make things from scratch whenever i can. it just makes everything taste better.

also, my new computer is en route. i took the dive, made the switch, whatever you want to call it...i'm going to be a mac. i've been a pc for my entire life so this is kind of a big deal. i made the purchase on my laptop and ever since i pushed the "buy now" button, he (yes, my computer is a boy. his name is killer) has been angry and slower than ever. it's like he KNOWS he's being replaced, and in his defense...he is. i still love killer, and it's not like i'm throwing him away or anything. i'm giving him to my mom so she can have a computer that isn't full of daniel's crazy video games when my macbook pro gets here.

and the big news is that MACS COME FROM CHINA. if you didn't know, that's where they make them. probably because that's where all the four-year-old-factory-workers are hiding and they are the best at putting together computers. sad to think that these pre-elementary school kids are better with computers than i ever will be.

but anyways, i've been tracking him (my new computer is definitely a boy) and he started in china and then over the weekend he was in alaska and now he's in tennessee....that's so close! he should be here by tuesday at the latest and i can't wait.

...now...i need to think of a name for my new laptop...

"well...it's a free country!"

i was thinking about this last night when i was brushing my teeth before bed...that familiar adage from elementary school days, when the class bully was doing something particularly mean and the innocent playground civilians were begging him for mercy.

"nooooo don't take jeffy's favorite pokemon card!"
"well...it's a free country!"

and it worked, i guess. we do live in a free country. and while i could delve into the argument of freedom not being free, i choose to abstain. but instead...let me just say to you, young intimidator of small children, your choices have consequences. plus, with karma and all that jazz...what goes around comes around.

i wish i would have thought of that like fifteen years ago. seems like it might have made a logical defense against the third grade terror child, but then, maybe not. it's a good lesson for today though...better think twice before swiping jeffy's pikachu card.

daniel.

he's been visiting my room pretty late the past few nights.

we say family prayer around ten or so and usually not long after that, i hear a knock at my door and my eleven-year-old brother is standing outside. he always has an excuse -- his bed is too hot, he can't find his other pjs, he's tired but he can't fall asleep -- there's always something. so i let him in and he curls up on the other side of my queen-sized bed (that i am going to miss so much when i go back to school...) and watches me as i type and read and write in my notebook.

not long after he lies down, he is out cold.

it is pretty cute. also kind of funny, because then as i try to carry him back to his room and accidentally bump his legs against door frames (he has certainly grown a lot since he was a baby) he doesn't even stir.

i know he's tired. i don't really believe that he "can't sleep." but i don't mind. i'll be gone in a few weeks and i won't get to hang out with him during the wee hours of the night as he falls asleep to the tapping lullaby of my laptop keys. and i think he knows it too.

i'm going to miss him : (

the last everything.

it's that time of my life again...when i start to think about doing everything for the last time.

oy. i hate this part.

but with just a few days left til i leave (or eleven...that seems soon) that's how things are starting to go. who do i need to see again before i go? who have i missed all summer that i need to catch up with? what things do i still want to do in ohio before i leave for a really, really long time?

i started making lists. things to buy, people to see, stuff to try not to forget...

this is why i hate thinking about leaving. i'd rather just go and not worry about it. maybe i'm just jaded from a few too many goodbyes (or billions too many...whatev) but i so hate this part.

going back to school will be good though. with any luck, i'll still have some friends back in provo. my sisters will be there and the newsroom and theatre will still be there and the mountains will be there and my awesome house will be there and charfield will be there and things will be good. and soon...i'll be there too.

yet again, the beginning of the end...before another beginning starts.

shooting stars.

overall i was pretty pissed that i have a ridiculous schedule and couldn't bring myself to wake up at 4 a.m. today to see the meteor shower.

lucky for me, i thought it'd be cool to check it out tonight. and OMG. it was.

if you haven't seen a meteor shower, let me just say that it it not like the pictures they paint in story books. it doesn't rain fire from the sky and more often than not, you'll miss seeing them altogether.

but.

they are so cool.

i was skeptical at first. i thought i might see one. maybe two. but as i laid against the back windshield of my car and stared up at the sky, i was amazed to see quite a few shooting stars. it was like these tiny, burning secrets were falling from heaven and i could cup my hands and catch them, only i wasn't fast enough and they disappeared into the night sky.

...if only i was faster...

anyways, it was beautiful. there's something liberating about being out in the middle of nowhere all by yourself in the darkest part of the night and watching nature do what it does: incinerate things from space when they come in contact with the atmosphere. it's so far away and yet close enough to touch and be a part of. incredible.

so despite looking back and realizing how dangerous it is to be out by myself for hours on end in the middle of the night, i had a fabulous time. can't wait to see them again next year.

leg lifts to the max.

omg.
i have to do so many of these from like a billion different angles.

but for all my complaining, i guess i should say that it's not so bad. today, after spending about 15 minutes listening to elton john and doing my ridiculous self-induced physical therapy, my knee actually doesn't hurt to stand on.

will that feeling last until tomorrow when i wake up?
maybe...maybe not.

but for now...it feels a little better.
i wonder if i should have been able to hear my knee cracking during some of the exercises though...that was a little unnerving, but by the end of it all...not so bad.

overall, lesson learned: do what the doctor says.

sunday morning.

i realize that here in ohio, it is no longer "morning." but if i was in utah (like i will be in a few weeks) it's still the a.m. for a little bit.

can i just say how much i love sundays in general?
...and sunday mornings in particular?
...and the song, "sunday morning," by maroon five?

on a totally different subject, remember how anxiety-filled and excited and nervous i was about coming out to ohio for the summer? i feel the same way about leaving...

the worst thing ever.

definitely doing physical therapy on your own.

you know there's something wrong with you (like your knee's totally effed). and it hurts. and the doctor tells you what to do and then you just have to do it on your own time and be all responsible about it.

ugh. this is like my super-summer of learning to be responsible for things. i mean, i've always been really independent and self-sufficient, but still. i don't like physical therapy, especially when i have to force myself to do it (TWICE a day) and it hurts.

and i know it's the only thing that will make me feel better.
well...that, plus a ton of ice and ibuprofen.

i just want to run.

p.s. as i reread this, all i could think was, wow. i am such a complainer. but my knee hurts and i can't run today so i'm going to be grumpy about it. so there.

can you feel the love tonight?

i heard this song on the radio the other night as i was driving home from work. i couldn't help but remember my very first love story. here it is.

it's winter...decenber-ish. as a family, we drive around and look at christmas lights at night while listening to the radio. the window is cold as i rest my forehead against it and think about the blond-haired boy who sits across from me in art class. he is totally dreamy. plus he's an artist and that is so romantic. today he asked me if he could borrow one of my paint brushes. of course, i said yes. and then we sat next to each other on the bus on the way home.

there's a time for everyone if they only learn
that the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn...

...elton john's melody floats through the cool winter air and mixes with the scent of evergreen trees as i think about the hot apple cider we drank earlier. i love apple cider almost as much as i love luke henry...almost. we're driving slowly, but my love-sick eyes see only sparkles of light and color as my mind wanders back and forth between daydream and reality. in my dreams, everything is perfect. because that's how life is when you're seven years old.

and now whenever i hear that song, it's all i can think about.

don't worry...nothing much became of our little love spell. turns out his birthday is the day after mine and for some reason, the thought of dating someone younger than me seriously grated on my nerves. a stupid little thing, that's for sure, but all's fair in love and paint brushes, i guess. it was fun while it lasted.

<3 feel the love <3
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EDIT: let's make this post even better. after writing it, i found our beloved mr. henry on fb. and now we're officially friends. oh yeah.