the post-thanksgiving rant.

when your life's going wrong, when the fates are unkind
when you're limping along and get kicked from behind
tell yourself how lucky you are.

why decry a cloudy sky, an empty purse, a crazy universe?
my philosophy is simply...things could be worse!

so be happy you're here. think of life as a thrill
and if worse comes to worse (as we all know it will)
thank your lucky star you've gotten this far...
how lucky you are!

^ from "seussical the musical"

i love how thankful everyone has been this past week. 'tis the season to give and love and do service and be awesome.

...and then, after january 1st...go back to normal.

i don't want to say that people aren't genuine. and i don't want to suggest that people are only nice and selfless during the holiday season...but it's kind of a little bit true. everyone has their stereotypical "thanksgiving" blog post about how grateful they are for their families and friends and everything else. there's nothing wrong with that. but it's kind of sad that no one will think twice about all the millions of things they're blessed with after the first of the year.

after that -- it's all about being self-absorbed again with new year's resolutions and such. i shouldn't bash new year's resolutions either (although i seriously hate how crowded the gym is in january...there should be special privileges for people who actually go there year-round) but it's just another passing fad that will be tossed aside like last season's high heels and bubble skirts.

so here's to humans, the luckiest of all, who love and help others, who donate their time and means, who look out for each other and do everything in their power to make the world a happier place (for six weeks out of the year).

11/23 @ 4:56

yep. no matter how old i get, i will always be a total nerd.

reprogramming with two m's.

i guess i meant to finish that last one but i forgot.
here's a new attempt.

in it's simplest terms, the human is a creature of habit. it likes to wake up (or sleep in) at (or until) an established time. it likes to sit in the same seat during class and eat certain things for breakfast. it likes to be around people that it likes and is comfortable with and say things that it knows will illicit a particular reaction from a known audience. it likes to wear familiar clothes and take the same routes to stores and other popular destinations. it likes to listen to the same kinds of music and watch a tv show with characters it understands and knows already. it has a distinct type of handwriting and a way with words that is individual and unique. it likes a hairstyle, a jogging trail, a brand of macaroni, a time limit for awkward hugs, a type of mineral foundation, a pair of shoes and a football team. it knows how many times it should fail before giving up and how to push all the right buttons at all the right times.

it is so many things, and yet...such a calculated mess.

in the theatre, we have these lights. they're smart lights...studio spotlights (or SS's, for all intents and purposes)...they move around and change color and texture and focus and all sorts of things. but sometimes they get confused. their sensors start to go bad or they stop finding their focus points and suddenly they don't look like they are supposed to. the light thinks it's making the right colored light and shining it in the right place, but it's really not.

these SS's have what is called a "global reset" button. when the light is confused and you can't figure out why it is doing crazy things, you can hit this button and it will re-home itself ("homing" is the word we use when the light is orienting itself with the world...also a fitting term) and everything (usually) (hopefully) (most of the time) (sometimes) is fixed. it's kind of a last resort...you don't want to do it if you don't have to, but it fixes most problems very well. and yeah...that's a global reset.

so i think that's what i want. some combination of the two, that is.

to reorient myself with the world.
+
reprogram myself to function better within it.

reprograming.

it's time...to reprogram.

nervous.

tonight is kind of big for me.

i'm being adjudicated for my lighting design for "children of eden."

basically, that means that someone is going to come and watch the show and tell the designers what he / she thinks of the stuff we did during the show. someone separate comes and does the same thing for the actors, but that's different. this one guy is all about the design things and...it makes me nervous.

granted, he / she could be totally into the costumes / sound / set / anything else and not even think twice about the lighting. but hopefully the adjudicator will have some things to say about my design choices and i can get some good feedback about what i've been doing for the past few months.

and what makes me even more nervous?

my parents will be there. and my sisters. and my brother. and my brother-in-law. and some family friends and one of my other friends too...but mostly i am nervous for the first three of the series.

i have been doing theatre for almost a decade now, and my parents have never (not once) come to see a show that i have worked on. maybe it doesn't count as "real theatre" if i'm not onstage, but doing lighting or sound or other things like that is just what i like better, so that's what i do. but now...the last mainstage design of my college life...and they will be there to see it.

obviously this show is a culmination of months of work for me, as well as many other designers and actors and other such people. but mostly...i hope my parents like it.

shooting stars, part 2

it's official. i'm a total space nerd.

i went with some friends tonight to see another meteor shower. only this time, it was freezing and icy and up in the mountains (instead of warm and in ohio over the summer like last time). but still...so good.

first of all. even if there hadn't been a meteor shower, going up in the mountains (where there aren't so many city lights all over the place and polluting the air) was awesome. there were billions of stars all over the place. it looked almost surreal.

and then the stars started falling out of the sky.

anyways, how cool are shooting stars? because...so cool. it's awesome that we can watch them from our little vantage point on earth without worrying that they might accidentally smash into us (maybe) and just enjoy the beauty of nature all around us in the middle of a mostly frigid night.

life can be hard. it almost invariably involves homework and stress and heartbreak and being busy and being tired and all of the crazy things in between. but it's hard to think about silly things like that when you have the entire solar system staring back at you at 2AM. there is so much more out there than we could possibly imagine.

shooting stars are so awesome.

...plus you get to make wishes ( :

the cabin.

i just got back from three beautiful days in a cabin in kamas (about an hour or so northeast of provo, way up in the mountains) -- no cable tv, no cell phone reception, no internet and no worrying about all the dumb things that have been gnawing at me for the entire semester.

it. was. awesome.

granted, i didn't plan on staying over the whole weekend, but after a torrential blizzard in the mountains, we decided to wait it out and come back today, when the snow was a little more manageable.

there was a good bunch of us there, about 15-20 boys and girls total, and we had all the necessities of life: movies, rock band and breakfast food. we played in the snow, made campfires, played lots of games, went sledding and made lots of hot chocolate and other food (and a total mess). oh. and there was a critter that ate some of our potato chips, but we caught him and he was really cute. he wasn't a mouse or a rat or a squirrel or a groundhog, but he was some combination of them and he looked really scared when he found himself stuck in the little cage.

i met a lot of interesting people and got to know the people i already knew better, so that was fun. it was nice to just not worry about things. now i'm back in provo and my mind's going a million miles per minute all over again. but at least i had that little bit of time to relax.

as a side-note, i am so done with this semester. my spanish class is killing me and my play just opened, i have a group project to finish (which just had its due date moved CLOSER! -- what kind of a teacher does that??) and i wish i had any free time at all. next semester will be better.

...do i say that every semester? maybe. but this time i mean it.

[[apologies for a boring blog post...blah]]

cue the popcorn.

do you ever just have one of those days?

things are happening all around you. conversations are being carried on that are beyond anything you could have ever believed. comments are overheard. time elapses. people are interacting with you in a surreal sort of way. things are not what they seemed to be just the day before. tears well up behind your eyes at all the wrong times. everyone is on your side and yet you are alone.

nothing is good enough but you're not allowed to give up. people come and go faster than they are supposed to and then you are left to pick up the pieces. opportunities arise and you take them up and then you have to sit back and watch them unravelling all around you. and you have to do it with a smile on your face. you never knew it was possible to be so happy and so sad all at the same time. fleeting moments give you a glimpse of hope and then you start to wonder if it was all in your mind.

and then suddenly you find yourself singing beyonce's part to "crazy in love" and as you look out at the dozens of pairs of eyes and feel the cold metal of the microphone in your hands, you realize that maybe you have done all of this to yourself and you can't blame anyone else for your stupidity.

days like today...it's like you're living in a movie. and through all the twists and turns, nothing turns out the way you thought it would. and there's even a soundtrack to go with it.

create.

things with children of eden have been crazy. i've been getting increasingly stressed out with everything that is happening and it is disheartening when things just don't feel like they are good enough, even though i have worked so hard to get it where it is now. ugh. then i saw this.

Create

^watch it.

i love this video. i am ready to tackle another week of CoE.

thursday.

is it really the end of thursday?! wow.

this week has flown past so fast. it probably helps that i've been inside the theatre nonstop...skipping my classes and going through cues and work notes. i produced our election recap on wednesday (i had to be in the newsroom at 6AM...yuck) and i've spent the rest of the entire week eating honey wheat pretzels and peanut m&m's in the pardoe theatre. what a week.

my show is getting a little better each day, which is obviously ideal. it's definitely better than it getting worse as the days progress...and more is being added as the week goes on. maybe it will turn out awesome...only time will tell.

for now, i wish i had time for a nap. but i'll settle for catching up on some late-night homework. maybe i'll have time to watch football this weekend or a movie or something relaxing and crazy like that.

children of eden comes out next week! yesssss.

daylight.

i guess we got an extra hour of sleep over the weekend. all i know is, we left the loft around 1:30 AM...came home...went grocery shopping and came back around...1:30 AM. crazy.

and then today i left for school at the same time as usual (6:30 AM...yuck) and it was surprisingly bright. i mean, i guess i shouldn't be so surprised but i still sort of was. i came home 12 hours later and of course, it was totally dark. yet another "surprise" that i should be used to...daylight savings still confuses me. i realize how it helps conserve energy and stuff, but still. who thought of it anyways?

actually never mind. i just looked it up.

"modern DST was first proposed in 1895 by george vernon hudson, a new zealand entomologist."

apparently he liked to collect insects around the turn of the century and proposed a two-hour time shift so he could take advantage of extra daylight to find more bugs. scientists have decided that although daylight savings has mixed effects on health, the economy and the complexities of everyday life, it is a good way to conserve energy (about .5% over an extended period of time, according to a 2008 study by the u.s. dept. of energy) and so...we do it.

minus like arizona and indiana.

now seems like a good time to mention how much i love my bedroom. i have one window and it faces west into a mini-forest. because of this, i can take naps at any time, day or night, and it is usually always nice and dark. not that i wouldn't be able to fall asleep otherwise, but still it is nice and i love it.

p.s. highs in the 50's and 60's in the forcast for the week?
...yes, please!!
(too bad i will be stuck in the theatre for most of the daylight hours...)