my 93 days of summer (so far).

wow...time flies.

i remember writing about how anxious i was for the summer, before i knew what all it had in store for me --

"summer anxiety" - saturday, 21 february 2009, 12:00:14

is it to wrong to be totally anxious about summer when it is still february? i know, i know. there's still such a long way to go. but at the same time...not really.

and while i want to go back to ohio...i sort of don't.

and while i don't mind staying here...i sort of do.

oh, summer anxiety. at least i know i'll have to be back here in september for classes again. that's the one thing i can count on. but even that doesn't thrill me...

looking back, i'm so glad i came to ohio. this is definitely where i needed to be for the past few months and i can't regret any part of my decision to be here. and now that my summer's mostly over...that's still all i have -- the knowledge that i'll be back in utah in 35 days, leaving behind my summer of 10tv and nauvoo and the beach and road trips and friday night movie nights and my ohio friends and the ridiculous boys and lifetime fitness and the fireworks and the singles ward and and my queen-sized bed and all the heartbreaks and let-downs and the amazing dreams-come-true and everything...memories that will be left to fade in the coming months like my barely-there tanlines.

once the calendar flips and i start feeling the pressure of august coming up, i know i'll start being nervous again. as a girl who knows nothing of staying in one place for more than four months at a time before being uprooted again, i know all to well that nothing is for certain. the only true guarantees are goodbyes, and i've grown to hate those as well. at least sad goodbyes mean that your time wasn't wasted...

so here's to the rest of my summer. who knows how it'll end up or whether i'll still be in one piece by the end of it. come what may, and love it...right?