this weekend

it's been...interesting.

got to hang out with some of the guys from freshman year today. that felt really old-school. it's weird when they all get back because...it's not like i've been sitting around doing nothing and waiting for them all to get home. don't get me wrong -- i am ecstatic to see all of them and hang out with them and see how the missions were and tell them about what i've been up to. but there's always something different. i've been alive for two whole years without them. sometimes that's a hard thing to think about.

hah. sometimes i wish i could see into the future -- see if this random most-of-the-day hangout turns back into a few years ago when i used to hang out with these guys all the time. it's different now though. everyone lives pretty far, at least more than just a few doors down like we're used to. not that that's insurmountable, just that it changes things. regardless of how it turns out, two years has definitely changed a lot.

i guess it's better not to know. i wonder what it would be like to know everything that was supposed to happen before it did. i imagine it would make things pretty anticlimactic. so i guess this is the way to go.

and then i got an ipod touch

thanksgiving break is almost over!!!

and guess what i've accomplished? next to nothing.

i refuse to accept total responsibility for this, though. how was i supposed to know that the library would close on wednesday before 6PM and that emily's family would come and we would hang out with them nonstop and i would spend all day thursday with the daniels family? so many things were just out of my control.

at least i have done some things. i've gone running a few times. i (finally) went to the library and got some really good books that i can work with now on my research projects. i went shopping with emily and hung out with her brothers and sister and collin and andrew and ruth and drew and jarom. and i've successfully ruined my sleeping habits once again. just when i started sleeping a decent amount on a semi-regular basis...thanksgiving happens. rrr. oh well.

well, it's been a good break. time to crack down -- go running one more time, shower and then work on homework for the rest of the day. fabulous.

in retrospect. thanks.

-heavenly father! and big brother, jesus.
-family -- sisters, brother, parents, extended and such
-friends in ohio, utah, everywhere in between
-prophet, good church leaders
-theatre & broadcast mentors / teachers / professors
-santa, elves, reindeer
-frank warren (postsecret guy)
-roy raymond (the mastermind behind victoria's secret)
-justin timberlake
-anderson cooper
-james laurinaitis

this list should be longer. it is. but also in retrospect, making lists like this can be dumb. i'm thankful for things i like, things i enjoy, things i need, people in my life. that sort of thing typically goes unsaid. writing it out almost sounds wrong. i hate the hallmark-ization of everything.

important things

it's almost christmas!!

as of today, it is one month til christmas eve. that is SO CLOSE.

emily and i started putting up decorations a long time ago. like, at least a week ago. we have christmas lights all over most of the inside of our house and we decorated the downstairs tree with candy canes and stuff. also...there's christmas stations playing on the radio already!! i don't know when exactly they started, but they're on now so i can listen to christmas music ALL THE TIME. i don't remember being this excited for christmas in a long time. maybe it's because i've never really had anywhere to decorate and now i have this huge house and a real chimney for stockings and we're going to go chop down our own tree and it will be awesome.

and then i'll go to ohio. woo.

the elusive unknown

when you are far removed from something, i think it is really hard to predict how you will react when you are put in certain situations after being gone for so long.

i think this is going to be the case with a lot of things. i think that's a really vague way of saying it, but i don't know that there is a better way of doing it. time has a way of distorting reality; things become things they never were and you have to wonder what really is. or was. or what wasn't ever at all. plus, add to all of that an overactive imagination and a lot of time to mull things over. that makes for an interesting predicament.

seems like the best remedy is just to wait it out.
i am so very impatient.

...now what?

i didn't have to be at rehearsal tonight. or a performance. or a taping. or a meeting. i didn't have any homework that needed to be finished or chapters that needed to be read. no classes to prepare for, nothing to catch up on that absolutely needed to be done tonight. the three things standing between me and thanksgiving are a meeting with my advertising group tomorrow, teaching my class on monday and work on tuesday. oh, and a taping on saturday.

granted, there are tons of things that need to be done. and obviously, not doing anything productive over thanksgiving break will surely set me up for total failure come december, when everything is due. but for just one night, i didn't have any obligations.

and to be honest, i didn't really know what to do with myself.

what do you do when you don't have things to do all the time? i mean, i filled my time. i went christmas shopping with emily. made dinner. collin came over. watched the office. watched "definitely, maybe" with matt and andrew. it wasn't uneventful. it just feels like lots of things went undone.

something's missing. i should be stressing over something.

space case

it's been a strange semester for me for a lot of reasons. i'm probably (read: definitely) spreading myself too thin between everything and i've been getting sick / headaches a lot. cause and effect relationship? perhaps. but i've always been somewhat of a multitasker, and i would much rather be busy than bored, so i don't want to sound like i'm complaining. i wouldn't give up any of my alter lives, but sometimes weird things happen and it makes me wonder if i need a break.

like today. i had just dropped off cody (my awesome ex-home-teacher) at the hospital so they could put more plates and screws into his foot and was coming back to campus for a meeting. it was pretty bright out, but it's been really nice lately so that wasn't unusual. the weird thing was that i was walking...and i noticed myself open my eyes.

this doesn't sound so bad. having your eyes open is a pretty typical thing for people. the weird thing was that, since i had to open them, that meant that they were closed for some undisclosed amount of time. granted, i was still okay, still walking, still alive, so it must not have been for very long. but still. i didn't remember closing my eyes, since i usually don't when i'm trying to get from one place to another, but apparently i did.

maybeeee. i'm going crazy.

settle

things are finally starting to settle down. after tomorrow, i should be home free for the entire thanksgiving week.

except for how i have to do another lighting design. and teach my class. and catch up on a semester's worth of reading for advertising class. and put together my book and research things for houseboat honeymoon. and meet with like a bazillion people about college things. and finish my service project. and write that english paper.

maybe it's better that i'm just sticking around for thanksgiving.

oh. and i rearranged my room. it's warmer now, but i'm still getting used to it. maybe i'll make some pictures of it. it's roomier so i guess that's good. but now it's really nice outside lately. i think it got up to 60 or so today. that just figures.

"find your bliss."

guess what? yesterday i met anderson cooper.

this is his show.

he has a show on cnn (anderson cooper 360) and is one of very few real objective reporters and news people. he is totally awesome. he came to slc last night and i went up there with a few people from here and it was great. he talked about making a difference and finding the truth and reporting what matters and knowing the facts. he said to find your passion and define your voice and to always remember to just listen. also: "find your bliss." basically you have to find what you love and do it. and that's what i'm doing with things now. and it's great.



< -- check it.
we even took pictures together.












after hearing all his fabulous stories, though, i really want to go travel this summer. time to start saving up (again).

dance like everyone's watching

i don't watch a lot of tv. i like to, but usually i'm too busy to commit to a show and then i just get upset when i miss an episode and then i don't want to watch the next one until i see the one i missed and then it becomes a vicious cycle. but i was making dinner the other night and decided to flip channels while things boiled and i happened across "dancing with the stars." i had heard rave reviews about this particular show, so i watched it for a while. it was cool. apparently famous people learn how to do dances. and then they to them in front of lots of people and judges and people get voted off (thank you, reality tv, for keeping one thing constant amongst nearly all your shows) and then it's over.

i watched these people get up and do their thing and then be either ripped to shreds or generously complimented by the judges. i didn't see much difference between most of the dances, as far as technicality and precision is concerned (but then, i'm not really an expert dancer by any stretch of the imagination), but the judges did. and some dancers took risks and some dancers played it safe and sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't but they all tried. every one of those dancers woke up that morning thinking, this is what it is going to take to win, and was very sure of themselves. because if you didn't plan the winning routine, what was the point of going on the show at all?

i think this must be true in real situations. i mean, no one gets dressed, looks in the mirror and says, eh. this'll probably be okay. i like to think that when people are acting or reading or just doing things in general that they are at least trying. because why be an actress or reporter or doctor or teacher (or anything, for that matter) if you don't think that you are awesome at it? you have to wake up every morning believing that you are going to give 100% and that it will be fabulous. otherwise, why bother?

for some reason, i thought of the old adage, "dance like no one's watching." surely this is encouragement for people to come out of their shell and experiment with new things and not be worried about alternative consequences. and yet...you have to be whatever kind of awesome you want while still being the best. and typically it's other people who decide what "best" is and you have to impress them. so, i guess you just have to be aware (and wary) of that.

thanks, world, for setting expectations that need to be met and exceeded in order for anyone to get by. also for not voting me off (yet).

better than the dryer.

when i rearranged my room a while ago, i decided to put my dresser over the only vent in the room. was this a stupid idea? maybe. surely that would block the flow of air and make me colder in the winter and warmer in the summer. luckily i wasn't here for the hottest part of the summer, but now that it might be getting colder i started second guessing myself. should i move my dresser? there's not really any other place in the room where it would look good unless i moved absolutely everything else. seems like quite the dilemma, right?

well, i am no longer concerned about this. my room is plenty warm at night and here's the best part: my clothes are warm when i put them on!! i didn't really think that this would happen, but when i reached in one of my drawers and pulled out a warm t-shirt, it was like right out of the dryer, but without having to walk downstairs. awesome.

although now i'm starting to wonder if this might be a fire hazard? nah.

the orange juice effect

when i was in elementary school, i had sleepovers with some of my bffs in the neighborhood. we would party hard all night, play games, go hot tubbing, and then sleep in late the next morning. breakfast was always different, but for some reason i remember having a lot of orange juice. this was kind of unusual because as i was growing up, i was never big on oj. for whatever reason, i just wasn't a huge fan and that's just how it was.

one day, all us crazy girls woke up, brushed our teeth and then started fixing breakfast. as we drank our orange juice, it tasted SO BAD. i was like, "dude what is the deal with your orange juice?" and one of my friends replied matter-of-factly, "oh. that's the orange juice effect."

apparently the orange juice effect occurs when you have some minty taste in your mouth and then you drink orange juice, making it taste terrible in comparison. i didn't really understand it, but figured that's just how it was.

today, i had orange juice (i am an oj fiend now...after being sick for a few weeks solid, i now drink the kids oj with tons of extra vitamins and stuff like my life depends on it. it's SO GOOD) for breakfast. and it tasted really bad and i was wondering why. and then i realized that i had only just recently brushed my teeth...making the orange juice effect the culprit of my poorly tasting breakfast beverage. suddenly, i had a flashback to my elementary school years and ran upstairs to google "orange juice effect." it was time to figure out the science behind it.

the only problem is that...it's not real. it never occurred to me that this so-called "effect" would not really exist at all. and it's kind of sad in a way. i mean, maybe there have been studies about eating and drinking things after brushing your teeth and how it messes with your perception of how it tastes, but still. the "orange juice effect" is a fraud.

sad.

tech week

omg. it's finally almost over.

it's been a long week and our show is practically ready to open. notwithstanding the various technical glitches and the half-hour long scene changes, everyone seems optimistic about opening next week.

my opinion? ticket sales will be high. with about 15 actors constantly busying themselves with tasks and objectives and overlapping lines for over two hours solid, no one will be able to understand it all the first time around and will be forced to come back for a second time. revenue will double. what an ingenious idea.

this play was written by one of my friends who used to go to byu. every time i think about how cool it must be to write a play, i think about how insanely, ridiculously hard it must be also, and that is a definite deterrent. i think i'll stick to news scripts and lighting designs, thanks.

new president time

it's that time again. time for a new president -- obama.

it'll be an interesting couple of years from here on out. not that the last few have been smooth sailing or anything, but still. the country needed a face-lift and we got it. what'll REALLY be interesting to watch is the democratic president, after he picks some new supreme court justices and has the congressional majority...

no word yet on prop 8, but we'll see how that goes in the morning. for now...it's massive headache time.

rrr. tech week is always headaches.

goop / after today

i officially have the coolest brother ever. he is ten and he just made his own blog!! when i was ten, i probably knew how to play oregon trail on the computer at school. that was about it. but, technology, man. these kids know more about it than i ever will. and i'm not even old yet.

* * * * *

one of my top favorite movies is "a goofy movie." one of the first songs in it is "after today," about how all the kids can't wait for school to be over so they can have summer vacation. after today...the election will be over. yay. we'll have a new president (in january) and we can stop being so DRAMA about politics all the time.

and we can go back to being drama about everything else. omg.

things i'm probably better at than austin / instinctive stupidity

-hula hooping
-jump roping
-floor directing (?)
-spanish
-sarcasm
-push ups
-sports trivia
-conversational silence
-yogilates
-finding countries on a map

* * * * *

i seem to constantly do things that i know are stupid, but for some reason, i am practically obligated to do them anyways. i almost don't even stop to think about it -- i just do it. and later, i look back and think about how dumb it was. so far that is the theme for the week.

what a stellar beginning for what is going to be the most stressful week of the semester.

alligator vs. bear / coming up next

today i heard something. i don't remember it exactly, but it was something along the lines of: "in a fight between a grizzly bear and an alligator, the terrain determines the victor." the person saying it said it was an old chinese proverb, but i think people say that when they don't remember where they heard it. either way, i thought it was interesting.

i guess the moral is that if you want to win at [whatever], it's easier if you are on your own turf. i don't know what kind of implications that has on my life, but i think that it probably fits somewhere.

although, if i was to get in on this nature-fight, i would probably chose to be a t-rex. a dinosaur would totally own the bear AND the alligator.

* * * * *

the next few days are going to be really exciting!! whether we like it or not, we are making history here, people. somewhere between our gaping holes in the ozone layer, unusual presidential nominees and unfailing economic uncertainty -- there's history in the making.

cool.

LAC x 2

1. los angeles clippers

as i watched the opening game between the two l.a. teams on wednesday, i thought: who really said, "well, we have the lakers...but something's missing. a sub-par nba team? the clippers? oh yeah, we'll take them. perfect! our city is complete." come on. really? they have only had one winning season in the last fifteen (they've lost the first 3 games of the season so far this year) and let's be real -- as much as i despise the lakers, they can't compete with them.

and i realize that this is perhaps a necessary evil. i've asked around, and apparently nba teams go where the money is at. and there is definitely money to be found in l.a. but still. i wish they would go somewhere that is lacking in the pro sports department. like vegas.

2. live and active cultures

if you didn't know, there's live and active cultures in yogurt. if you are not aware of this, it's probably because you can't read, since they print it on the label of every package of yogurt that was ever made. after learning this at a young age, i made the conscious decision to never eat anything that was alive and could therefore crawl through my insides before being digested (?? if they didn't somehow escape or something!!). so i didn't eat yogurt. this was circa age 8 or 9.

now i am in college and i'm (arguably) smarter than i was in elementary school. i have started eating yogurt just this year and i love it. my favorite flavor is strawberry orange sunrise and it tastes like awesome.

* * * * *

oh. here's a story. i was eating yogurt today for breakfast. emily walks past me, rummages around in her cupboard for a while and pulls out a handful of chocolate donuts. as she is eating them, she turns to me. says: "you know eating yogurt makes you fat, right?"

haha.