just two things.

okay. first of all, i've noticed that lately i've been using lots of questions marks and exclamation points and bolded words. it's like i'm sensationalizing my life. as a journalist, i realize that is unacceptable and i will work harder to make things more real. yeah...that's legit.

* * * * *

an open letter to myself --

for the record...no one cares:
-why you're late
-what you meant to say
-how you really feel
-about the certain boy from a certain class who you finally just talked to and it was awesome
-about a different boy from a different class who totally ignored you and you hate him for it
-what your high school gpa was
-whether or not you had enough sleep last night
-about any of your lame excuses
-whether or not you make it
-what you're secretly thinking about

...just in case you were wondering.

with love from,
me.

...but who's keeping track?

oh wait. i am.

TEN MONTHS TIL CHRISTMAS!!

okay. got that out of my system. and to be perfectly honest, is christmas my favorite thing? definitely not. but for whatever reason, it seems like a great thing to look forward to. by the time christmas comes, i'll have made it through this entire semester...plus whatever is going to happen over the summer...and then all of the next semester and i will be practically done with college. and that's sort of something to look forward to, yeah?

today was good. got a few very important things done and still have a few usable hours in the day. the main bad thing about today? that it's the day before thursday. oh, thursday. how i have come to totally dread you. we used to be so good together and now...let's be real. it's sort of a strained relationship. let's hope tomorrow is at least a little bit okay. i don't want to hate you. so please -- be nice.

okay thanks.

summertime!!

it is currently about 59 degrees out.

and it's FEBRUARY!!

say all the mean things you want about global warming. i still love it.

in other news, i'm going to be working all day, so the only sunshine i will get is between classes and in my car on my way between different things, but still. it's kind of totally awesome.

so much to say. but so much other work to do. i'm happy to be busy but i've got a bazillion things to do that i just don't have time for. and the semester is half over. and just when i start getting caught up on things, i start to realize how many other things i've been totally neglecting. and omg. what am i going to do over the summer? i'm still debating. ohio? utah? d.c.? somewhere in between? *sigh* there's so much to think about. but for now, i'll keep the windows open and enjoy a little bit of summer while i can.

cookies?!?

here's a list of things that i don't understand. i don't want anyone to explain them or anything. i just feel like i need to vent for a second.

-there are COOKIES in my computer.
-when my alarm goes off and i turn it off, but i don't remember doing it.
-stupid s.b.'s (it's probably not what you think it is...)
-utah culture. omg.
-why / how public perception affects the economy so much.
-if i have to be awake for class, i can wake up. but if i just want to wake up early and be productive, my body ignores my alarm clock.
-hypothetical situations.
-why we can't just learn from history.
-professors who treat their class like a total joke (because that will make their students take it seriously?).
-why people are willing to settle to get immediate results, instead of holding out for something infinitely better.

an open letter to the amerian automakers

to whom it may concern --

yes, the economy is bad. it's a sad thing, and i wish it wasn't this way. honestly...if i had my way, we'd all be super-bajillionaires and never have to worry about money ever again. unfortunately, things aren't like that. so stop being big babies and crying about how you want more money. we ALL want more money. that doesn't mean it's going to happen. maybe instead of complaining, you should just work harder. like all us regular humans over here.

okay, thanks.

from anna.

p.s. all my friend are getting married. wtf.

after drinking so much diet coke, you can hardly call it that anymore

i love to make lists. LOVE THEM. i think every day i make at least a bunch. lists of things to do, things to get at the store, people to talk to, story ideas, random thoughts, projects to complete, work calls, school assignments, everything. i keep making new lists. i just can't get enough.

i have oh so many things to do this week. if i'm completely honest with myself, there are oh so many things that i should have done already this semester that i am determined to complete before the week is up. and so my lists grow. but somehow, by writing it all down, it seems more bearable. i can tackle projects and then cross them off. i think that is the best part -- crossing things off. this is why i always write my lists on paper, even though i know it would be more efficient to create lists on my computer. i don't want to [[delete]] things when i'm done...i want to be able to see the progress i've made. and i never totally scribble things out so that i can still see what i've completed after it's done.

mm. lists. time to get to work.

president's day

today was my last day off for the entire rest of the semester. i had to work, and that was kind of a bummer, but overall i tried to make it relaxing...since i won't be doing much more of that in the not-so-distant future. so here's what i did today:

9 a.m. woke up
10 a.m. went to work
2 p.m. came home. had lunch. watched amelie until i fell asleep
4 p.m. met r. at the gym / went running
5:30 p.m. home to shower, have dinner
6:45 p.m. left house for fhe
9 p.m. came home, worked on homework

and that's it. NOW YOU KNOW WHAT I DID ON MY DAY OFF.

and to be honest, as i was lying on my couch curled up in blankets and pillows and thinking about all the nothing i had planned for the day, i almost died...of boredom. i mean, it was nice to just relax for a little bit, but i don't know how people just sit around all day and do nothing. that must be terribly uninteresting. also wicked boring. this, coming from the girl who can't remember the last time she wasn't taking classes full time while also working at least one (if not two or three) part time jobs on top of a semi-busy social calendar and whatever other things.

i could complain about being busy all the time. but really...i thrive on it.

don't get me wrong. come march, when i'll all tired of school and the shows i'm working on at the theatre and angry about how i haven't had a day off in forever, i will complain. but i'd rather it be that than this. overall.

everything i ever needed to know about reporting...

...i have learned in the first four weeks of doing it. i'm almost totally sure of it. here's a list of everything i have learned...at least the top 10.

1. your story never ends the way that it starts
2. your story never looks as good on the big screen as it did when you were shooting it
3. it doesn't matter what your story idea is because your news director will not like it
4. despite your news director not liking your story idea, you will still have to do it. but now your confidence is totally deflated and you're terrified that it will turn out terribly
5. it probably will
6. you never shoot enough b-roll
7. you will never need the extra camera battery unless you don't have it
8. regardless of when you start working on your story (be it the night before the story meeting or an hour after it), the p.i.o. will always be in a meeting all day / out of town for the week / getting her phone replaced / at the legislature / somewhere totally unavailable. which means that you CANNOT INTERVIEW ANYONE ELSE EITHER. but they will get back to you as soon as they can (not.)
9. everyone will tell you fabulous tidbits of information...but it is "off the record" and you can't use it at all
10. no one is mean to your face. in fact, most everyone you meet will be very pleasant and interesting and fun. but that doesn't mean they can help you. and (again) they are almost never allowed to go on record about anything. basically no one is ever authorized to talk to you. and you are never authorized to shoot video of anything. ever

i like reporting. it's fun. but having to deal with pio's lately has been a ridiculous challenge. at least i know it can only get better...right??

super awesome <3

apparently there is this island in the adriatic sea (near croatia) that is actually shaped like a heart. after figuring this out (via google earth), tons of lovers are flooding the place for v-day this weekend. how cool is that? i don't know that i'm a total romantic, but i love beautiful landscapes and things like that...i mean, you just couldn't make something better than that if you tried.

going to the store.

today i went shopping. it wasn't anything special. i just went to the store and picked out things that i wanted and put them in my cart so i could pay for them at the register. that seems pretty basic, right?

umm, okay. i think i am the only person there ever was who doesn't push their shopping cart from the back. instead, i walk alongside the front of my cart and hold on to one of the front corners, dragging and steering the cart behind me. it seems logical. the cart follows you. and i am, after all, the boss of my shopping cart. so how come no one else does that?

i think this all started when i was a kid. pretty sure my mom was always the one pushing the cart, and in order to keep me and my sisters from running away, she had us hold on to the cart as we wandered through the store. and now it's a habit i can't knock.

so now i'm the crazy girl at the store dragging my shopping cart behind me instead of pushing it in front of me like a regular shopper. i don't mind. maybe i'm just that awesome.

the road less traveled

when life gets boring, i have to find little things to do to keep myself entertained. lately, i've been trying different things...spontaneously dropping everything that i'm doing in order to do something completely different, driving to all ends of utah multiple times in a week, hanging out with people that i ordinarily wouldn't, putting myself out there without any intention or possibility of getting something in return, overcommiting and following through...whatever.

i think things are more interesting when you do things that you might not otherwise do. and if there's a good time to do something like that, i'd say now is the time. i have no idea where i'll be soon and for now, that's okay. i have great expectations but no explanations for why i'm doing some things right now.

and i've decided that i'm the rule instead of the exception. my life is not a movie. as much as i would love to have a music montage near the end of each of my episodes or wait in the rain for someone to come back and realize they were stupid for ever leaving or dance around while no one's watching or get in big fights and make dumb mistakes all too often...things just aren't that interesting.

...but they've been closer lately.

BIRTHDAY

yay. it was awesome.

the light at the end of the tunnel is closer than we thought.

i got out of class today a little before six, just like i usually do on tuesdays.

but today...it wasn't even dark yet.

january is over. and february is pretty short. which means...
IT'S ALMOST SPRING OMG.

basically i'm pretty excited. i don't mind the cold or the snow, but it's kind of boring sometimes when you're too lame to go skiing and your neighborhood still hasn't been plowed from the last two snow storms so it's really icy and you miss staying up late (without it getting dark) and sleeping in a tent in your front yard while watching seasons of the office. plus this semester has been kind of ridiculous so far and it will be nice to have all my really stressful classes under my belt. and then i can concentrate on fun things. like the summer.

the itch.

on our way home from the jazz game tonight in slc, we stopped at mcdonalds. and there it was...the itch.

let's be real. fast food is what it is. it's terrible for you and although the thought of it seems nice, i always make myself go home, insisting that i have already paid for the things in my refrigerator and why buy more stuff if i have not yet run out? so i don't really eat a lot of fast food.

but when i did tonight, it reminded me of this summer, driving across the country...stopping at fast food restaurants only because i really didn't have any other food to eat. it almost made me nauseous to think about eating it after those few days. but at the same time, that crunchy, greasy, not-quite-worth-the-price-but-maybe-worth-the-convenience food was a reminder of what it is to really not belong anywhere, to not have any idea where you might sleep for the night or when you would see a familiar face again. but not in a scary way. in a good way.

and now i've got it again. i need to go somewhere. and soon.