well, i'm exasperated.

i am so incredibly mortified right now. remember that live lab that i did on wednesday? one of the anchors that i floor direct for saw it. OMG.

as if it wasn't enough for me to read too fast, be too short, have all my hair falling in front of my face and look stupidly at the wrong cameras in front of a few people in my class. someone who actually anchors in real life had to see it. wow. obviously he tried to be nice and say i did okay, but really. if it's not blatantly obvious that i've not taken a broadcast class (except for 275 and this one now) just by talking to me, this was surely a dead giveaway.

well. that was embarrassing. plus, we're supposed to be finding out if we made it into the major sometime really really soon and i'm basically a wreck over it. the odds are against me, since, as of the end of this semester, i have already completed another major (theatre arts, lighting design emphasis) and why would i need another one? maybe because i love working in the newsroom and want have a real job someday? not that theatre doesn't count as a real job. i've worked for the theatre the last few years and it's been really fun, but for whatever reason i just can't see myself doing it for my entire life. and then i fell into the news and now i want to do it. too little, too late? we'll find out soon enough. they said we should know by sometime today (!) but for sure by wednesday. i think i might die before they tell me.

add to that the pressure of completing my design for "houseboat honeymoon" by monday and finishing up "dial m for murder" and "homecoming spectacular" this weekend and you've got a pile of nerves that is unable to focus or be productive at all. me. awesome.

and my body hates me. i've been sick for like two weeks now. i haven't had more than six consecutive hours of sleep in about a month and i eat cereal and soy milk for two out of three meals every day. and i'm too tired and busy to work out much at all so it's starting to get ridiculous. hopefully after this week, life will cool off and i will be able to not-die. there are few things i want in life. i would be content with balance. in no particular order, all i want is:

-school-theatre-news-church-homework-friends-running-sleep-

any sort of balance that isn't totally off-balance would do fine. and each category definitely gets bigger and more intricate, but at the basis of my life, that is all i want to have time for.

time to stop complaing about it and start working on it. ready, go.