houseboat honeymoon

so i'm working on this play, right? to be fair, i am working not for money, but for class credit...the last theatre class that i need to take before i am done with this major (besides the portfolio class that i'm enrolled in but don't go to because of working at the daily news...) and it's my "capstone" lighting design. somehow, this is supposed to mean that it is not terrible, since i have learned lots of things about theatre and lighting during my byu career. while this may or may not end up being the case with this particular show, the most painful part of my design process finished today -- the lighting focus.

overall, lighting is a multi-part thing. first you gotta do research: about your play, where and when it takes place, etc. then you need to make a light plot and say what lights you want to use and what colors and what designs you want in your templates. then (today) you have to focus them all to the place on the stage where you want them to be and make sure it doesn't look like crap. technically, you have already worked it all out in your mind and it's just a matter of doing it in real life. except for how now there's a massive three-story boat in between you and the lights you're trying to get to. sweet. that was today.

well, now it's over and hopefully it's all downhill from here. we'll set levels on monday and tech week starts tuesday. this show will tech all next week and half of the week after...and then i'm free to do whatever i want besides be required to be at the play. woo. excitement.

it's weird to think this will be my last real theatre thing. i mean, i still work for the theatre department (two departments in the theatre, actually, if you count the fact that i teach a beginning theatre class at byu) and i've promised a few friends to help with lighting for their directing projects. however...i'm basically done.

i was always so proud of myself when i came here because i already KNEW what i wanted to do in college and i wouldn't be switching majors all during it to try to figure out what i wanted to be when i grow up. little did i know, i would stick with theatre and then find something else to do after, thus prolonging my provo experience another year or so. but who's complaining? not me. i love theatre and i love the news. now i can have the option of doing both. simultaneously. yesss.

now that i think about it, it's sort of funny that i picked two occupations that are a total time suck. not in a bad way -- they just both require lots of time and effort and energy. but i like to be busy so it works out.

yessssssssssss

the jazz won their first regular season game tonight. yay!

top ten (only) good things about utah:

10. nice scenery
9. lots of fun things to do outside if you like that sort of thing / own a tent
8. fewest number of walmart stores per capita in the nation (.081 per 100,000 people)
7. david archuletta
6. temples temples temples. they're everywhere!
5. the olympics were here a really long time ago
4. free redbox movies on monday nights
3. they shot the high school musical movies here
2. i'm here. duh.
1. utah jazz -- omg.

i'm real.

you ever wonder if your life is really happening? after seeing "the truman show" at the ripe age of eleven, i have always questioned existence in a weird way. of course i've traveled across the country numerous times, both on airplane and on the road, so surely i'm not living on some crazy island that is only a mile or two across. and i've never seen cameras hidden around my life capturing my every move, but that's probably mostly because my life is just not that interesting.

in fact, that is the reasoning that i hold (probably stupidly) when i make many of my choices and formulate opinions about certain things. i'm not afraid of heights (like climbing on ladders / genies / across the really-really-high grid in the light lab) because i'm positive that i'm not going to fall off of anything. my life is just not interesting enough for me to sustain any sort of injury. it's the same reason i don't get my hopes up about little things that could be awesome...because they won't happen. bad reasoning? maybe. but that's how i see it. it's real enough for me.

granted, there are exceptions. i got into the broadcast major (surely through some sort of miracle). i live in a sweet house with a roommate that i don't hate. i own a car that i love (xox lex). i won goo goo dolls concert tickets once. i live a pretty decent life...nothing too incredibly terribly awesome, but nothing too miserably awfully crushing either. overall pretty regular i guess. can't complain about that.

election day(-ish)

tonight i filled out my absentee ballot and i'll be shipping it out tomorrow. i'm from ohio so my vote counts (yay). who did i vote for? ha. not telling.


^do it. darfur matters.

i worked for a "national political strategy, campaign management, and public relations consulting firm" over the summer while i was in ohio and it was eye-opening, to say the least. politics are like theatre: everyone plays their part and tries to be the best. big promises, high stakes, there's a lot to gain or be lost over people's uninformed opinions.

i had been following most of the races for ohio at least a little closely and was familiar with most of the people that i selected and issues that i voted for or against. however, there were some that i hadn't heard of -- and i'm sure that's the case with many voters. they pick whoever has a cooler name or who is running for their particular party and that is the end of it. although absentee voting is seen as being better in the eyes of the political candidates (since the people who went out of their way to request to vote have an obvious desire to make their voice heard, as opposed to those who somehow end up in a local elementary school gymnasium on the first tuesday in november), i wonder if there are statistics about just what percentage of americans are actually aware of what they are doing when they select their candidates.

well, if people are just picking candidates haphazardly, then maybe we will get what we deserve. random leaders with cool names? a total overhaul of everyone who was already in office? who knows.

now i get to sit back and watch the fireworks fly for the next week.

...and wonder what the future of the united states holds when "these guys" are the best our nation has to offer as far as vitally important leadership positions are concerned.

blast from the past / really, tennessee?? really?

recurring characters are one of my top favorite things. especially after some lengthy hiatus or major dilemma, it's always sort of comforting to see a familiar face. there's something incredible about thinking that someone was gone forever and then finding out that you are wrong in the best way possible. i don't mind being wrong. i'd prefer to be right all the time, but when my misconceptions end with spontaneous revivals of all the right sorts, i can't help but enjoy it.

the irony of time, part 2: after a while, it seems to bring stuff back.

* * * * *

Assassination plot targeting Obama disrupted

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The ATF says it has broken up a plot to assassinate Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama and shoot or decapitate 102 black people in a Tennessee murder spree.

really, tennessee? really? geez.

here's what is boggling my mind though. i got an email alert from the columbus dispatch (my hometown in ohio's newspaper) like a minute after they cracked this story open. it's on the front page of bbc.com and cnn mentioned it briefly. even the washington post had a little something about it. but i had to really dig through the new york times to find an article about it. i realize that crazy white supremacists are nothing to brag about, but it's sort of a big deal. you've got to tell the news, whether it's sunny skies or raining bullets.

dear new york times: you're still one of my favs. but you've got to be honest with me when i want to know things. from anna.

in all seriousness though, these two guys are literally kids, 18 and 20 years old. both of them are younger than me. scary.

life's little orchestrations

there's something indescribable about being a part of something big. because by yourself, you're not much. but when you get together with a bunch of other people and actually come up with something, it's huge.

eons ago, i used to be in an orchestra-type-band-deal-thing. you know, high school. you played instruments and everyone had different parts but somehow (magically) if you followed the conductor, it turned out like awesome. and the past few days as i've worked on the opera, watching the orchestra has reminded me of that.

the thing about band was that i didn't do it because i was great at it (although i was) or because i really liked it (although i didn't mind it). i did it because that is where a lot of my people were. that's where i had interactions and relationships and connections and friendships. without any of that, it wouldn't have been the same. also i would have quit.

i think that's why i thrive when i work on things like theatre and the news. because alone, maybe there will only be lights or only a news script or only not quite enough. but when a lot of people do things that they are good at and work together, it becomes something big. and i love it. because being with people means something. it means you're not alone.

obviously, music is not something i do too much with now. i stopped after high school and have undoubtedly lost any skill i had with instruments or intonation or rhythm. but it's something that i will always appreciate. and i'll probably always feel at least a little bit nostalgic when i hear life's little orchestrations. and that's all i have to say about that.

"as if you could kill time without injuring eternity."

-henry david thoreau

time keeps on going. i used to wish it would stop for sometimes. for whatever reason, things would be going so well that i would want to make time wait for me to enjoy it before continuing on to whatever mess was bound to happen afterward. that seems so juvenile and stupid. no one can make time stop. and even if you could, wouldn't that totally ruin everything?

the best part of time is that it keeps going even when you're not there. people in egypt and australia are going about life and doing their thing regardless of what i am doing here. i am essentially inconsequential in their minds. and that could be sad...but it's really not. the weird thing happens when you lead a double life like i do -- half in one place and half in another. and when you're somewhere, there you are. and when you're not, it's like you never were there at all. or at least it seems that way sometimes. it's one of those two-sided things that is awesome and terrible at the same time.

i used to hate my double life. it's hard. and yet...it's not stopping anytime soon. i'm not graduating in april and i'll be in provo at least another year.

BECAUSE I GOT ACCEPTED TO THE BROADCAST JOURNALISM MAJOR!!!!

i have never been so happy in my entire life. finally, things are starting to seem like they are going the way they should. finally, things are starting to fit. finally, i am okay. at least for the most part.

finally.

and you know what the best part is? no regrets.

try again

i've never been much of a fan of second chances. not that i'm one to hold a grudge (too much effort) or stay angry for long about anything (waste of energy). it's just...that's life. you only live once. you get a chance. and if you blow it, you don't get to stop, rewind and start again. obviously because of the balance of justice / mercy / etc. there are exceptions to this. but overall, you get one shot. and you have to try not to eff it up.

i don't like revising papers. i don't like rewriting / rereading / redoing / really. i like to think that i can do a semi-decent job at things the first time around and let that stand for itself. and of course i've been forced to re-everything because of classes or what have you and it always helps. but i still don't like it. that's just me.

so now. decisions. options. choices. plans? failures? chances?

only one way to find out.

one of those nights

it seems like it's always the nights when i have a lot to do that i find myself totally distracted and unable to concentrate.

what's up with that?

finally: sleep

so last night i had a sleepover party with my roommate. we watched episodes of the oc until the wee hours of the morning and slept til noon on our awesome couch and now my back is totally tangled. effing hurts. just wanted to complain about it.

in one of my classes this semester (i don't really remember which one, but there's notes for it in my notebook), we learned about how people learn. as humans, we make spiderwebs of meaning and create our "world" where things are connected to other things and through these relations and associations, we learn to understand what we believe to be reality. sometimes things get tangled and it's hard to see what is real and what is something we have constructed to be real.

i think that's deeper than i wanted to go. my back is tangled and it hurts. also i love the oc. that's all.

so, i think my classes were cancelled today...

...but i'm not entirely sure. i have two classes on thursdays: my performance in broadcast class and this "honors" english class (which i hate). a long long time ago my broadcast teacher was like, yeah we were going to have a speaker in class on [today] but they can't come so we won't have class. and i skipped my english class on tuesday but today we were supposed to meet with our museum groups instead of having actual class or something and i emailed this girl in my class and she said we weren't really meeting at all. so...i didn't go to either of my classes today. also i slept for most of the day.

i would say that i've had bad sleeping habits lately, but the word "habit" would make it sound as if there was some sort of pattern and that is not the case. let's count the hours of sleep i've had the last few nights:

sunday night: one.5 hours
monday night: no hours : /
tuesday night: three hours
wednesday night: ELEVEN hours

and let's be honest. the only reason i got so much sleep is because my body shut off and refused to do anything more but be half-dead under the covers of my too-comfortable bed. so if i had class today, i would have missed them anyways. oh well. i'm trying to get back on track with sleeping / eating / etc on a regular basis. so far, not so good. but No Big Deal, right? hah.

and in case i sound elitist for dissing on my english class, it's really just hard to believe that students are of "honors" caliber when some of them think the biggest societal problems are not the economic crisis or global warming or genocide in africa or the upcoming elections or the war on terror. no, no. not so. when the professor asked what the biggest problem we face is, one brave girl responded, "well...people talk on their cell phones a lot when they're driving. and...they text too. that's bad."

i rest my case.

No Big Deal

sometimes life can be downright exasperating. i haven't really said a lot about it because it's getting to the point where when awful things DON'T happen, i'm slightly surprised. i heard about something this weekend that all but crushed my stupid little girl-heart and then i found out i didn't get into the broadcast major (which i knew was going to happen -- i already have another major and am capable of graduating in april after a solid four years of college, a feat that many people can't say they were able to do) and i've been stressing hard-core about my final lighting design for "houseboat honeymoon" (which was due monday) and i have been too busy to sleep or have friends or do anything i want or need to do and a random slew of other terrible things that have really been getting me down lately. but you know what?

No Big Deal.

who even cares? i finished my design and it's (hopefully) going to be okay / stellar. i still will graduate with a minor in communications and i emailed the people at asu admissions to see about grad school (they responded within the hour -- that's a good sign, right?) and i still get to floor direct with my fabulous anchors who make an otherwise-totally-peon-job seem like awesome. i'm not dead. i'm still waking up and breathing and i have all my arms and legs and am somehow making it through life at college in this god-forsaken town (just kidding) and things will be okay.

maybe not now. but no one ever said this "life" thing was supposed to be easy.

i've got to stop letting dumb things get to me so bad. i'm practically ready to go out into the real world and for whatever reason, i still worry about stupid people and things that shouldn't matter. time to re-evaluate. set goals? (do people do that?) and finally...just be happy. it could be worse, right?

hah. ironically, that's exactly what i said last week before everything went straight to the crapper. *exasperation*

oh well. time for a comeback.

mixed emotions / cowboy bebop

last sunday i met some people named mike (well, only just two) and then hung out with my friend matt. he introduced me to a tv show called cowboy bebop. he has the series and we started watching it. it takes place in the future and there are these "cowboy" bounty hunters and they travel around the universe (yay space travel) and find bad people and capture them. i was surprised to really like it. we only watched the first few episodes but it got me thinking. there were almost always new villains for each episode and then you didn't hear much about them ever again. and obviously, they were not the point of the show, just a way and means in giving the main characters something to do. but then i was wondering: what happens to those people?

it's sad, but even for me, there's lots of people like that. from the guy i met at the a-cafe this summer who wanted a serious relationship after ten minutes to the members of the improv troupe who were in my modern class that i dropped...there are always people who don't quite make the "main character" cut in my life. many will never even be reoccuring characters but are just here and gone, making their cameo appearance briefly before moving on to whatever else is next. there's always the surprise re-emergences of people you never thought you'd see again and the people who you wish to see but only continue to exist in the flashbacks. and even if you think that someone had come-back status, some performances only prove to be lackluster versions of what they should have been. would it have been better if they never returned at all? who knows.

but, regardless, life goes on. with or without you.

last night

"dial m for murder" is over tonight. yay. here's a list of things that i don't remember anymore because of this show:

*what a free evening is when i'm not required to be at the theatre
*what it feels like to go to class prepared and having done the homework
*what more than five consecutive hours of sleep is like
*what a social life is
*what not having a fatty headache is
*what a meal that is not cereal tastes like
*what it's like to watch a regularly scheduled program live (when it airs)
*any semblance of sanity that i pretended to have before

well, i'll miss the show. a little bit. lucky for me, "houseboat honeymoon" is starting wicked soon. plus, i'll be working on the opera this week and striking "dial m" and helping with "dancing at lughnasa" so it's not like i'll be bored. as if i thought i'd ever get a break.

overall i'm stressin', just in general. sometimes the most indifferent things in life can be the hardest.

well, i'm exasperated.

i am so incredibly mortified right now. remember that live lab that i did on wednesday? one of the anchors that i floor direct for saw it. OMG.

as if it wasn't enough for me to read too fast, be too short, have all my hair falling in front of my face and look stupidly at the wrong cameras in front of a few people in my class. someone who actually anchors in real life had to see it. wow. obviously he tried to be nice and say i did okay, but really. if it's not blatantly obvious that i've not taken a broadcast class (except for 275 and this one now) just by talking to me, this was surely a dead giveaway.

well. that was embarrassing. plus, we're supposed to be finding out if we made it into the major sometime really really soon and i'm basically a wreck over it. the odds are against me, since, as of the end of this semester, i have already completed another major (theatre arts, lighting design emphasis) and why would i need another one? maybe because i love working in the newsroom and want have a real job someday? not that theatre doesn't count as a real job. i've worked for the theatre the last few years and it's been really fun, but for whatever reason i just can't see myself doing it for my entire life. and then i fell into the news and now i want to do it. too little, too late? we'll find out soon enough. they said we should know by sometime today (!) but for sure by wednesday. i think i might die before they tell me.

add to that the pressure of completing my design for "houseboat honeymoon" by monday and finishing up "dial m for murder" and "homecoming spectacular" this weekend and you've got a pile of nerves that is unable to focus or be productive at all. me. awesome.

and my body hates me. i've been sick for like two weeks now. i haven't had more than six consecutive hours of sleep in about a month and i eat cereal and soy milk for two out of three meals every day. and i'm too tired and busy to work out much at all so it's starting to get ridiculous. hopefully after this week, life will cool off and i will be able to not-die. there are few things i want in life. i would be content with balance. in no particular order, all i want is:

-school-theatre-news-church-homework-friends-running-sleep-

any sort of balance that isn't totally off-balance would do fine. and each category definitely gets bigger and more intricate, but at the basis of my life, that is all i want to have time for.

time to stop complaing about it and start working on it. ready, go.

adventures in reading

so today we had our first live lab for "performance in broadcast" class. i figured it wouldn't be too hard because, seriously. all anchors do is read, right?

how very wrong i was.

anchors do more than read. they ALSO have to know what cameras to look into. and there's four to choose from. surely, this would be an easy task when you have a floor director who is telling you where to look, but all we had was other class members, not all of which really knew how to relay messages like that. oh well. it was fun / exciting / new / i'll be doing it every week so i'll have to get used to it. i'm not incredibly comfortable with the idea of being on camera, but it sure beats being on a stage with a live audience critiquing your every move. although others may be judging, the camera doesn't chastize you. yay for that.

also i had to sit on a phone book while i was anchoring. i'm just too short. whatever. it was fun anyways. the end.

truth hurts.

alright. so let's be honest.

this blog was bred from contempt.

and jealousy. and hatred. and a lot of other mean-spirited emotions. and that's the truth. here's why: i work for the daily news. i love working there (duh) and it's fun because, as the floor director, i'm sort of halfway between the anchors and news director / producer / etc. the anchors are fun and the people in the control room make for interesting conversation so i get to do a lot of listening, which i really like. you can learn a lot from listening. i get to hear a lot and i'm not really required to say anything, so...no pressure, right? it's cool.

so yesterday the anchors were talking about how they have blogs and how totally awesome they are. did they ask me if i had one? no. but i sort of imagined how it would have gone if they had:

"oh, hey, anna, do you have a blog?"

"yeah."

"oh, hey, where is it so we could read it and see how cool it is?"

[[embarrassed staring at the floor]] "umm..." [[totally mortified]] "i'm not telling."

because honestly. you can't just let people read your diary. that would be terrible. and scary. especially since these people are exponentially cooler than i am. so i'm glad they didn't ask. but then i thought that someday (?) if i ever become cool enough for them to talk to me, i should have a readable blog. so here i am. and i like it so far. obviously no one is reading this now, but someday, maybe someday, someone will. and they will be like, wow. anna is like that. and i will be like, of course.

anna is like that.

i guess i am starting a blog. i mean, i already have one, but here is one that can be read by other humans. the first one is more like a diary, and this one will be more like...a notebook. red. with spirals. and not so secret.

if you should happen upon my online "diary," all the more power to you. you know embarrassing details from my life and you can savor their sweet sweet flavor. but for the rest, this will be all you know.

i will try to not disappoint.

really this is here more for me than anything else. i need to write. without requirements, stipulations or grammar. and why not put it somewhere that people can see? because what are words anyways if there is no one to read them? i will give the opportunity at least.

i am like that.

since this is the first entry, i will unlock the secret of my blog: "like that."

it's from maroon 5's song, "sunday morning." it's part of it. a small part. but my favorite part. the best two words of my favorite song. somehow, perfectly describing everything that encompasses the details of my life. like magic. if you haven't heard this song, you are missing out.

find out what you are missing.

cool. so here is me. listen up.