but seriously.

what are you supposed to do now that christmas is over?

i mean, this is something that we plan for and count down to practically all year. christmas candy starts to hit the shelves sometime after halloween and the music is all over the airwaves by thanksgiving. we are bombarded by the ringing of salvation army volunteers' bells every time we go grocery shopping in december and you can't go to the mall without seeing long lines of screaming children waiting to tell santa about how great they've been all year. and then there's all the hype and excitement directly leading up to it...the last minute christmas wish lists, the 12 days of christmas, the holiday vacation time and christmas specials on the hallmark channel that run 24/7 throughout the entire month.

then christmas happens.

and then it's over. no letting yourself down slowly and carefully...it's just gone. after all of the anticipation and excitement, you are left with the little bits of wrapping paper that you forgot to throw away and some leftover apricot-glazed ham (YUM, by the way, if you've never had it) and not much else.

it's all so abrupt. jarring, too. but it is what it is.

christmas was good this year. here's to an awesome next year too.

twas the day after christmas.

...now what?

"best" buy.

i went to best buy today. i've been there a few times so far over christmas break and can safely say i have bought at least 80% of my gifts there. it's a great place. and today...i found some things that knocked my socks off. let me show you. first of all...
^ they sell fridges at best buy? who knew?!
^ i love seeing things that are upwards of $80 in the impulse-buy aisle as you're getting ready to pay. like, oh yeah, maybe i needed that automated wine chiller but i just forgot. THANK GOODNESS ITS IN THE IMPULSE BUY SECTION. ka-ching.
^ speaking of ka-ching...since when is a bag of pretzels $3?
^ i saw a guy in line in front of me with everything i could have ever hoped for at christmas time. the wii fit plus. a jillian michaels workout dvd (omg love her). some wii fit accessories. and 24 AA BATTERIES YESSSSS. exactly what i wanted! (please tell santa) too bad i need a wii first. are those expensive?
^ ahaha. also saw the hsm 3-disc collectors edition. love it.
^ and lady gaga's new cd for just ten bucks. o. m. g.

well, i'm just about done christmas shopping and it feels good. time to give away all this stuff and hope everyone likes it. and if not...it's back to best buy for me ( :

voices.

i'm in ohio and i love it. i get to be at my news station every day and work with awesome people and do stories about salvation army guys playing the harmonica and people giving away houses and finding bodies in the bottom of frozen ponds. what's not to love about getting a job like this someday?

over the weekend i was watching one of my station's newscasts while i made dinner. that's the great thing about the news on tv: you don't really have to watch it and you can still just listen and take peeks every once in a while and know what's going on. it's funny, because as i listen, i can tell who worked on a particular story, even though i haven't seen any of them for about four months. i can tell just by listening to their voice and the way they write.

it's funny how that works. you get to be familiar with some people, whether it's in real life or through being a super-fan and watching all their movies (yes, robert downey jr, i am talking about you) and even if a long time has passed since you've seen / heard from / talked to them, you can still recognize it. there's something so comforting about that voice you're used to hearing. this is especially the case when it comes to names...someone saying, "anna," means something totally different if i hear it coming from my brother, or one of my very close friends, or a total stranger. it has it's own connotations and innuendos (innuendo (n): an indirect or subtle implication) that wouldn't mean the same any other way.

so...what's in a name?

i guess it just depends on who's saying it.

adventures from slc, or how impossible it is to be healthy at the airport.

i got to the airport a little early today and i was hungry for lunch. so i went on a hunt for something to eat. i wanted a bagel so i started my hunt for something yummy and healthy. starbucks was the first place i walked past, so i thought i'd check.
they didn't have bagels. also the people there were mean. boo starbucks. so i kept walking...found something promising: a place that sold yogurt...a "YOVANA."
too bad their yogurts are like $6 a pop...overall, no thanks. the trip continues. i am still thirsty.
^ aha! perfect.
^ free. healthy. and good for the environment. water...check!
...still hungry though.
^ ever notice how everyone is trying to exert minimal effort at airports? i realize that there's a long way to walk between terminals, but also you get to SIT ON YOUR BUTT AND DO NOTHING FOR LIKE HOURS ON END. i prefer to walk...thanks.
^ another health food store..."the grove."
^ apparently, their idea of "healthy" food is debatable...
but i found something good...the "lover's delight." ONLY $4.99 per half pound (yikes!)
^ dried fruits, nuts and other awesome-ness.
a bit expensive, but sooo good ( :
^ was tempted to get one of these yogurt things, but seriously? $5. i hate the airport monopoly and how they can charge whatever they want and there's nothing you can do about it.
^ sort of wanted california pizza kitchen...but not for $10. also probably not the healthiest thing to eat. still looking for a bagel!
^ burger king was a definite no...
^ ...even if they do have apples.
^ another way to be healthy in the airport? ride a bike!
^ the great american bagel company...FINALLY!
found my bagel place. and my yummy multi-grain bagel with cream cheese. time to find my plane.
^ thing i liked best about the slc airport? that the lights above the walking area are totally out. it's only lit above the moving walkways. coincidence??

slush.

i like when the weather outside is a direct reflection of me.

through most of last night and all day today: it's been slush.

it snowed on friday night, but ever since then, it hasn't really been cold enough to make more snow. but there's precipitation falling from the sky and it's making everything (especially in my neighborhood) into one giant puddle.

it's not pretty. it's not gentle. and it's not even very nice to look at. but it is what it is -- a halfway attempt at the sky trying to make (more) snow happen in utah during my last few days here.

and lately, that's kind of me. i have two finals to take this week (for spanish and pogp) and then some work to do on my new play (it's called, "they shoot horses, don't they." and it's fabulous). plus finishing my portfolio from "children of eden" (my giant lighting design from this semester) and writing a 20-page paper (OMG) and finalizing things for my internship next semester. and i am working on all of these things but everything feels like slush.

i keep telling myself that in a few short days, i will be back in ohio and i can go to work at my old station and everything will be awesome all over again. just gotta get through the next few days of craziness and get out there.

oh. and i made pancakes today. YUM. they were so good.

super-villians.

"an awkward pause, then what's my line?
there's nothing left to say this time
and what would you say to a bad guy who's not there?"

i have so much music. i love when i re-discover something, like this song -- "sell, sell, sell." ever since getting my new computer, i've been chipping away at the 21.6 days (insane, right?!) of music and listening to everything for the first time all over again. maybe i'm a total nerd, but i think it's fun. whenever i think i want to buy a new cd, i think about all the days worth of music i haven't re-un-earthed yet since august (when i bought my computer).

i'm still working on a name for my computer. my car's name is lex (like lex luthor). i'm still trying to think of a super-villian that i really like that i can name my computer after, but i'm coming up blank.

i named my car, "lex," to remind me that bad guys aren't always bad. i think this goes the same for people in general. are there mean people in the world? sure. but i don't think anyone's really trying to be awful. even evil dictators and crazy terrorists truly think they are doing what is right for themselves and for the world. in their heart of hearts, they are just trying to get by. no one wants to be the bad guy.

...at least that is what i like to think.

My super-villian results:
You are Mystique

Mystique 72%

Sometimes motherly, sometimes a beautiful companion, but most of the time a deceiving vixen.

Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test

snow day.

remember when snow days used to happen?

...not so much in the college.

but luckily, having to go to school made me grateful for some things today. here they are.

1. the byu swim team. i have a class at seven a.m. and it's terrible waking up that early to go to a class every single day. depending on where i park, sometimes i will walk through the rb and see the swim team, already doing their laps and working hard. i love that they are always there before i even have to be at my super-early class. they give me hope on days like today when it is snowy and i haven't slept much and i just want to go back to bed.

2. the byu grounds crew. sometimes it looks like they are trying to shovel snow, but mostly they just hang out and don't do much. but it's the thought that counts, right?

3. snow plows in general. i think i saw two today...tops.

dear city of provo.
did you think winter wasn't coming this year and you could let all your workers quit to work at in-n-out instead? bad move. now all our roads are yucky and full of snow. okay thanks.
with love from anna.

4. the byu daily news. duh. i work there so it's awesome. our show today was a little rocky, but it was still pretty great. i will miss mondays here (except for how i will be here mondays next semester too, but for reporting instead). mostly i'll miss the fun people who i won't see so much anymore or who are graduating (sad day). but that's a part of all of this, i guess.

5. having people i work with who i also enjoy hanging out with outside of the newsroom.

6. my testimony. i know my pogp class isn't the best ever, and i probably won't get the best grade ever because of it. but i know its true and i'm not crazy and angry at god like so many of the people in our class (which is kind of really depressing, but that's a whole different story).

7. minimal levels of self-control. em and i are trying to eat healthier and i was offered so much candy / junk food / etc today during classes and otherwise and turned it all down. the things we do...

8. nice boys who help clean all the snow off your car ( :

9. coming home from school and having my fav roommate come home (she was gone all weekend). emily made us a yummy dinner and helped me clean our house and put up christmas things tonight. and by, "put up christmas things," i mean that we left a ton of it up from last year (slightly embarrassing, but way more time-efficient) and put the rest of it up today and it looks sweet.

10. the "christmas season," which reminds everyone of what they were supposed to have been doing all year long anyways -- being nice to other people.

pumpkin chocolate chip muffins.

^ i made a bunch today.

and how many did i eat?

zero ) :

...what's my secret, you ask?

i gave them away super-fast so i couldn't think about how awesome they probably were.

i am going to make SO MANY pumpkin chocolate chip muffins next month...

lunch.

it all started this weekend when emily and i decided to branch out and try new food. we bought this healthy cookbook and it has meals for every day. yesterday was not bad at all -- a turkey wrap with yummy things inside (lunch) and moroccan chicken with wild rice (dinner).

today: a salad with artichokes, tomatoes, olives, fennel (look it up...it exists), garlic, red onions and some crazy vinaigrette.

...and no lettuce. yeah...one of THOSE "salads."

but it's okay. it's making me drink more water and that's always a good thing. and even though i'm making a big deal about it, it's not so bad. fennel tastes kind of like black licorice so that's the main flavor of the "salad" and plus we're getting to try some new foods that we've never heard of before.

so buckle up...it's time for an adventure with food.

december.

apparently the year is almost over. who knew?

i would say that it seems like just yesterday i was ringing in the new year in downtown columbus with some good friends, but really...it seems like it was a terribly long time ago. and it was. funny how things can change so much in a year.

not even just a year. as evidenced by my life (and the ridiculousness throughout), i have seen different aspects of it take a turn for better or worse within a matter of weeks...days...hours...minutes, even. life is constantly changing all around and for the most part, there is nothing you can do about it. so you embrace it...you take pictures, write down stories and try to remember the things that made you happy for a time before you can't anymore.

i have a terrible memory. there are things i swore i would never forget...and yet, i have. not necessarily on purpose, but perhaps not accidentally either. there aren't many constants in this life, so you just have to cling to the things you have and be willing to let go of whatever you can live without.

sometimes i wonder how my life would have been different if i hadn't made some major decisions last year. i wouldn't be a broadcast journalism major. i wouldn't still be in provo. i would be living in total bliss (ignorance?) somewhere, doing something else and everything would be...not quite right. i'm definitely a lucky girl.

i wonder what the new year will bring. it's still a few weeks away, but i'm excited for the potential of new things to come. i don't have many set plans after april, so it will be interesting to see how everything pans out. it makes me nervous but also excited. i can do whatever i want. it sounds simultaneously awesome and scary.

but for now...two papers to finish for spanish. grumble, grumble.

the post-thanksgiving rant.

when your life's going wrong, when the fates are unkind
when you're limping along and get kicked from behind
tell yourself how lucky you are.

why decry a cloudy sky, an empty purse, a crazy universe?
my philosophy is simply...things could be worse!

so be happy you're here. think of life as a thrill
and if worse comes to worse (as we all know it will)
thank your lucky star you've gotten this far...
how lucky you are!

^ from "seussical the musical"

i love how thankful everyone has been this past week. 'tis the season to give and love and do service and be awesome.

...and then, after january 1st...go back to normal.

i don't want to say that people aren't genuine. and i don't want to suggest that people are only nice and selfless during the holiday season...but it's kind of a little bit true. everyone has their stereotypical "thanksgiving" blog post about how grateful they are for their families and friends and everything else. there's nothing wrong with that. but it's kind of sad that no one will think twice about all the millions of things they're blessed with after the first of the year.

after that -- it's all about being self-absorbed again with new year's resolutions and such. i shouldn't bash new year's resolutions either (although i seriously hate how crowded the gym is in january...there should be special privileges for people who actually go there year-round) but it's just another passing fad that will be tossed aside like last season's high heels and bubble skirts.

so here's to humans, the luckiest of all, who love and help others, who donate their time and means, who look out for each other and do everything in their power to make the world a happier place (for six weeks out of the year).

11/23 @ 4:56

yep. no matter how old i get, i will always be a total nerd.

reprogramming with two m's.

i guess i meant to finish that last one but i forgot.
here's a new attempt.

in it's simplest terms, the human is a creature of habit. it likes to wake up (or sleep in) at (or until) an established time. it likes to sit in the same seat during class and eat certain things for breakfast. it likes to be around people that it likes and is comfortable with and say things that it knows will illicit a particular reaction from a known audience. it likes to wear familiar clothes and take the same routes to stores and other popular destinations. it likes to listen to the same kinds of music and watch a tv show with characters it understands and knows already. it has a distinct type of handwriting and a way with words that is individual and unique. it likes a hairstyle, a jogging trail, a brand of macaroni, a time limit for awkward hugs, a type of mineral foundation, a pair of shoes and a football team. it knows how many times it should fail before giving up and how to push all the right buttons at all the right times.

it is so many things, and yet...such a calculated mess.

in the theatre, we have these lights. they're smart lights...studio spotlights (or SS's, for all intents and purposes)...they move around and change color and texture and focus and all sorts of things. but sometimes they get confused. their sensors start to go bad or they stop finding their focus points and suddenly they don't look like they are supposed to. the light thinks it's making the right colored light and shining it in the right place, but it's really not.

these SS's have what is called a "global reset" button. when the light is confused and you can't figure out why it is doing crazy things, you can hit this button and it will re-home itself ("homing" is the word we use when the light is orienting itself with the world...also a fitting term) and everything (usually) (hopefully) (most of the time) (sometimes) is fixed. it's kind of a last resort...you don't want to do it if you don't have to, but it fixes most problems very well. and yeah...that's a global reset.

so i think that's what i want. some combination of the two, that is.

to reorient myself with the world.
+
reprogram myself to function better within it.

reprograming.

it's time...to reprogram.

nervous.

tonight is kind of big for me.

i'm being adjudicated for my lighting design for "children of eden."

basically, that means that someone is going to come and watch the show and tell the designers what he / she thinks of the stuff we did during the show. someone separate comes and does the same thing for the actors, but that's different. this one guy is all about the design things and...it makes me nervous.

granted, he / she could be totally into the costumes / sound / set / anything else and not even think twice about the lighting. but hopefully the adjudicator will have some things to say about my design choices and i can get some good feedback about what i've been doing for the past few months.

and what makes me even more nervous?

my parents will be there. and my sisters. and my brother. and my brother-in-law. and some family friends and one of my other friends too...but mostly i am nervous for the first three of the series.

i have been doing theatre for almost a decade now, and my parents have never (not once) come to see a show that i have worked on. maybe it doesn't count as "real theatre" if i'm not onstage, but doing lighting or sound or other things like that is just what i like better, so that's what i do. but now...the last mainstage design of my college life...and they will be there to see it.

obviously this show is a culmination of months of work for me, as well as many other designers and actors and other such people. but mostly...i hope my parents like it.

shooting stars, part 2

it's official. i'm a total space nerd.

i went with some friends tonight to see another meteor shower. only this time, it was freezing and icy and up in the mountains (instead of warm and in ohio over the summer like last time). but still...so good.

first of all. even if there hadn't been a meteor shower, going up in the mountains (where there aren't so many city lights all over the place and polluting the air) was awesome. there were billions of stars all over the place. it looked almost surreal.

and then the stars started falling out of the sky.

anyways, how cool are shooting stars? because...so cool. it's awesome that we can watch them from our little vantage point on earth without worrying that they might accidentally smash into us (maybe) and just enjoy the beauty of nature all around us in the middle of a mostly frigid night.

life can be hard. it almost invariably involves homework and stress and heartbreak and being busy and being tired and all of the crazy things in between. but it's hard to think about silly things like that when you have the entire solar system staring back at you at 2AM. there is so much more out there than we could possibly imagine.

shooting stars are so awesome.

...plus you get to make wishes ( :

the cabin.

i just got back from three beautiful days in a cabin in kamas (about an hour or so northeast of provo, way up in the mountains) -- no cable tv, no cell phone reception, no internet and no worrying about all the dumb things that have been gnawing at me for the entire semester.

it. was. awesome.

granted, i didn't plan on staying over the whole weekend, but after a torrential blizzard in the mountains, we decided to wait it out and come back today, when the snow was a little more manageable.

there was a good bunch of us there, about 15-20 boys and girls total, and we had all the necessities of life: movies, rock band and breakfast food. we played in the snow, made campfires, played lots of games, went sledding and made lots of hot chocolate and other food (and a total mess). oh. and there was a critter that ate some of our potato chips, but we caught him and he was really cute. he wasn't a mouse or a rat or a squirrel or a groundhog, but he was some combination of them and he looked really scared when he found himself stuck in the little cage.

i met a lot of interesting people and got to know the people i already knew better, so that was fun. it was nice to just not worry about things. now i'm back in provo and my mind's going a million miles per minute all over again. but at least i had that little bit of time to relax.

as a side-note, i am so done with this semester. my spanish class is killing me and my play just opened, i have a group project to finish (which just had its due date moved CLOSER! -- what kind of a teacher does that??) and i wish i had any free time at all. next semester will be better.

...do i say that every semester? maybe. but this time i mean it.

[[apologies for a boring blog post...blah]]

cue the popcorn.

do you ever just have one of those days?

things are happening all around you. conversations are being carried on that are beyond anything you could have ever believed. comments are overheard. time elapses. people are interacting with you in a surreal sort of way. things are not what they seemed to be just the day before. tears well up behind your eyes at all the wrong times. everyone is on your side and yet you are alone.

nothing is good enough but you're not allowed to give up. people come and go faster than they are supposed to and then you are left to pick up the pieces. opportunities arise and you take them up and then you have to sit back and watch them unravelling all around you. and you have to do it with a smile on your face. you never knew it was possible to be so happy and so sad all at the same time. fleeting moments give you a glimpse of hope and then you start to wonder if it was all in your mind.

and then suddenly you find yourself singing beyonce's part to "crazy in love" and as you look out at the dozens of pairs of eyes and feel the cold metal of the microphone in your hands, you realize that maybe you have done all of this to yourself and you can't blame anyone else for your stupidity.

days like today...it's like you're living in a movie. and through all the twists and turns, nothing turns out the way you thought it would. and there's even a soundtrack to go with it.

create.

things with children of eden have been crazy. i've been getting increasingly stressed out with everything that is happening and it is disheartening when things just don't feel like they are good enough, even though i have worked so hard to get it where it is now. ugh. then i saw this.

Create

^watch it.

i love this video. i am ready to tackle another week of CoE.

thursday.

is it really the end of thursday?! wow.

this week has flown past so fast. it probably helps that i've been inside the theatre nonstop...skipping my classes and going through cues and work notes. i produced our election recap on wednesday (i had to be in the newsroom at 6AM...yuck) and i've spent the rest of the entire week eating honey wheat pretzels and peanut m&m's in the pardoe theatre. what a week.

my show is getting a little better each day, which is obviously ideal. it's definitely better than it getting worse as the days progress...and more is being added as the week goes on. maybe it will turn out awesome...only time will tell.

for now, i wish i had time for a nap. but i'll settle for catching up on some late-night homework. maybe i'll have time to watch football this weekend or a movie or something relaxing and crazy like that.

children of eden comes out next week! yesssss.

daylight.

i guess we got an extra hour of sleep over the weekend. all i know is, we left the loft around 1:30 AM...came home...went grocery shopping and came back around...1:30 AM. crazy.

and then today i left for school at the same time as usual (6:30 AM...yuck) and it was surprisingly bright. i mean, i guess i shouldn't be so surprised but i still sort of was. i came home 12 hours later and of course, it was totally dark. yet another "surprise" that i should be used to...daylight savings still confuses me. i realize how it helps conserve energy and stuff, but still. who thought of it anyways?

actually never mind. i just looked it up.

"modern DST was first proposed in 1895 by george vernon hudson, a new zealand entomologist."

apparently he liked to collect insects around the turn of the century and proposed a two-hour time shift so he could take advantage of extra daylight to find more bugs. scientists have decided that although daylight savings has mixed effects on health, the economy and the complexities of everyday life, it is a good way to conserve energy (about .5% over an extended period of time, according to a 2008 study by the u.s. dept. of energy) and so...we do it.

minus like arizona and indiana.

now seems like a good time to mention how much i love my bedroom. i have one window and it faces west into a mini-forest. because of this, i can take naps at any time, day or night, and it is usually always nice and dark. not that i wouldn't be able to fall asleep otherwise, but still it is nice and i love it.

p.s. highs in the 50's and 60's in the forcast for the week?
...yes, please!!
(too bad i will be stuck in the theatre for most of the daylight hours...)

on the radio.

i can't figure out how to make my ipod work in my car, so i've been listening to the radio a lot lately. there's a few songs that are in heavy rotation, and it's always interesting to hear what's "popular" or "requested" here in utah...mostly a lot of miley and hip hop stuff, ironically enough.

i had this song i really liked and i found it online and it was awesome -- "fireflies," by owl city" -- and then i heard it on the radio, and i wasn't sure if that made me like it more or less. suddenly, it wasn't a secret song of my very own...it was shared with everyone who heard it on the radio. but then maybe it creates some sense of community? i don't know.

i was thinking about this in terms of tv. i own a ton of movies (seriously...a lot) but when i see a movie i like on tv, i am always really excited to watch it. and i know i could watch it without commercial interruptions (and also from start to finish, instead of starting halfway through) but i like watching it on tv anyways. there's something awesome about watching something with millions of other people.

or at least ten or so.

as a sidenote, i've been to a few different halloween parties in the past week or so, and every college student in the state seems to know the words to "party in the u.s.a." perfectly. that should be kind of embarrassing, but i think it's hilarious. even i know all the words...i'm not ashamed. time to go find another costume for tonight (last week i was a football player and last night i was daphne from scooby doo). tonight...who knows...

stolen, part 2.

^some more things i found / stole this week. both make me think a lot, about myself, about the way i feel around other people, about what is going to happen next week, month, semester, year. just...wow.

marathons.

sometimes on sundays i think of everything i did during the past week. and sometimes it feels like a ton of things and i wonder how i fit everything in. it's one of those days. let's make a massive list.

monday: made three revisions to my plot for children of eden. started to hang the lights for my show. helped to produce a newscast. fhe with ryan and emily.

tuesday: ran a spotlight for devotional. broke everything we touched at the marriott center with jon. went to a story meeting for the news. got a 89% on my spanish speaking test. worked more on my lights for children of eden. met with a director i will be working with later in the semester. hiked the y and helped to light it for homecoming with ryan.

wednesday: baked three kinds of muffins at four in the morning. produced my own newscast. came home and took a nap. ran a spotlight for homecoming spectacular. worked late for tech and created team t-rex. minor brush with swine flu. watched jon spill mountain dew all over his shoe.

thursday: applied to graduate in april (!). successfully got approved to graduate in april. worked through piles of paperwork to see if i can go back to my old station for christmas. slept for almost 8 consecutive hours in the middle of the day. went to my friends' ultimate frisbee game. hiked the y a second time within 24 hours of the first time.

friday: meeting with supervisors for my play. attended a production meeting. made more muffins and gave them to my neighbors. took down the lights for the gigantic homecoming show in record times with my awesome crew. invited everyone to my house and had movie night with the boys.

saturday: watched the osu game. watched oregon game with mikey and devin. taught non-member girl about the church with bo for like an hour. opera / j-dawgs with thorn. made a halloween costume for myself (football player) and helped thorn with his costume too. halloween party with him. watched labyrinth for the first time with some friends.

sunday: church. got set apart for my calling (finally). decided to embrace my calling and introduced myself to a bunch of new people. met some nice boys from the ballroom dance company. interviewed a boy for spotlight time. coordinated ward prayer. and still going!

(i guess it seemed like a ton more stuff before i broke it up into the individual days. but it was kind of a mess then and this is a lot easier to read.)

its funny to think about this week in retrospect. i know there were times this week when i felt sick or depressed or upset, but now that i look back, i only remember the fun things. i guess that's a good thing to remember -- that when we look back on the things we do, the happy things will stand out and the other less-awesome things can sort of fade to the background. time to think more long-term. because twenty years from now, i won't remember the headache i had during homecoming tech...i'll remember trying to run over graham's ex girlfriends and watching zoolander at 2 AM and hiking the y too many times with a 24-hour period. because that's what counts.

get real.

waking up at 5AM is not something i enjoy. and yet...i do it most everyday. doing so makes me really tired by about 3PM. by afternoon-time, i am ready to just be done. but my classes are far from over and i usually have work or something too. luckily, i have some fab friends in my classes (and some who come just to visit even after someone totally steals their seat and they can't sit by me anyways and i feel really bad and instead i spend the entire class time thinking about how dumb i am and why didn't i fix it?) and they keep me awake and not-dead. i think i have some of the coolest people for friends this year and i love it and i love them.

i think that's what i want to say today. you never realize what you have been missing out on until you have a good handful of people you care about and you wonder how you ever lived without them in the first place. that's how i feel everyday when i see one in the hallway or at work or in class or get a text or something small like that. everywhere around me are the most awesome people i have ever met in my life. i am the luckiest girl there ever was.

i was talking to a boy this weekend about what we were passionate about. i think i'm passionate about people. humans and their stories and what they've been through and the things they're afraid of and the things that make them happy and their goals and their failures and their secret loves and their favorite things.

technology is great, but you can never beat real, live, person-to-person interaction. it's easy to lose sight of that, but the more i spend time with certain people, the more i remember it. and that's why i love the news and theatre -- because it's real people and real stories and real adventures and real heartbreaks and real everything.

i need real things in my life.
and thats why i think i am passionate about people.
(for real)

stolen.

here are three things i take no credit for.
but i like them, so here they are.

first of all...one of my fav musicians listed his top four goals in life:

live poetically.
love romantically.
laugh authentically.
cry unapologetically

i love these. thanks, jm.

* * * * *

second of all...top ten things people buy (according to the nyt):

1. carbonated beverages
2. milk
3. fresh bread
4. beer / ale / hard cider
5. salty snacks
6. natural cheese
7. frozen dinners
8. cold cereal
9. wine
10. cigarettes

my new goals for the rest of the year: buy less of #'s 1 and 5. rely less on #'s 2 and 8. continue to avoid #'s 4, 7, 9 and 10. and try to find better, healthier ways to incorporate #'s 3 and 6 in my life. also cook more...but that's always the goal, lately.

* * * * *

and third of all...this. courtesy of lw, who i wish was still in utah.

^ enough said.

it rained yesterday.

it's been pretty boring around here lately, weather-wise. sometimes it'll be cold and sometimes it will be nice fall weather. and then yesterday, it was rain, rain, rain. it rained for most of the entire day.

loved it.
there really aren't enough thunderstorms in utah to keep me happy.

the best part was that i got to enjoy the sights and sounds of the rain while somehow missing all of the showers as i switched between classes. must be my impeccable timing at work.

but in the evening, i went to the store with em and on our way home it was raining and the sun came out and suddenly there was this GIGANTIC rainbow. it was incredible! a full rainbow, with all the colors, stretching from provo to maybe american fork or something (it was seriously huge). that kind of awesome-ness, you just don't see all that often.

emily says: "god must be telling provo that everything will be okay."

<3 roommate bff.

awkwardly overheard.

let's set the stage. i'm in the communications office on the third floor, waiting to get my add/drop card signed (for one of the most AWESOME-EST things that might be happening in my not-so-distant future if all goes according to plan...) and i see these two guys walking past out of the corner of my eye. i'm not sure how well they know each other, but they are walking together down my hallway.

first guy: so hey, where are you going?
second guy: uh...the bathroom.
first guy: oh cool, me too.

and then it was awkwardly silent as they kept walking together. i wonder what was going through second guy's mind right then.

did they end up going to the bathroom together? i don't know. but i think it's funny that something that would be perfectly normal for a pair of girls to do could be so awkward for a duo of dudes.

that's my story for the day. the end.

real live theatre.

we've been prepping for this mysterious "theatre mitu" production for a week or two now, without really knowing what to expect. i finally met the lighting designer yesterday (who's handiwork included over 250 cues for a show that is about three hours long...all of which i got to program before they arrived) and we started finishing everything and worked on cueing today.

it's not that i haven't worked with professional theatre people...but still. this has been kind of unexpectedly awesome. we rehearse things (and by "we," i mean they do, and i run the lights) and then sometimes the stage manager says to stop and the actors stop and just stand there. it's incredible. they don't start talking to each other or walk away from the spot they're supposed to be standing in. and they know all their lines. for real. i even talked to the actors today and they were all super-nice.

days like today make me think i could really do theatre in a professional setting...if only people took it more seriously here, life would be soo much easier.

but i love my theatre anyways and children of eden is coming along nicely. we have a full run-through on thursday and i plan to get a lot of work done this weekend too. mostly because i have to, but yeah. also because i get to. the end.

at the library.

here i am. it is early. i am tired. but instead of taking a nap (which is what i really want to do), i am forcing myself to be productive. time to get assignments out of the way and figure out how i am going to finish everything i need to do over the weekend.

mostly, i am trying to decide what i want to cook. i'm thinking something along the lines of pumpkin-chocolate-chip-something...maybe cookies or muffins. maybe i should bring some food in when i produce again on monday. (oh...i produced a live newscast on monday. i'll do another one this upcoming monday. and yes...it is the coolest thing ever. <3 the news)

so overall, suddenly it is october and it is freezing out. for some reason, that makes me think about christmas music, so i started listening to some last night. and then today in spanish class, we sang a christmas song there too. guess that's what people instinctively think of when they realize it's freezing out. i'm not complaining though...sweatshirt weather is lovely. i just didn't expect it so suddenly. i should pay better attention to the weather channel.

the brownie champ.

i have always kind of prided myself on my baking skills. i don't have a ton, but i love cooking and trying new kinds of food. i don't like to use someone else's recipe and i don't like to measure, so it is always a surprise to see how things turn out. just in the past week, i have made chocolate swirl cheesecake, two different kinds of brownies, a pasta salad and a few other main dishes -- all from scratch or improvised from dishes i have seen before.

in other, slightly-related news, i'm on the ward prayer committee. there's four of us in the group -- two boys and two girls. today, the girls made treats and, as it turned out, we both made brownies. she brought hers upstairs and i left mine downstairs in the kitchen. (i feel like i should also preface this by saying that this girl is really pretty and really skinny and really nice. one of those girls that you want to hate, but you cant) so after ward prayer is over, everyone eats brownies and is happy and things are good.

i went downstairs to get my plate and it was empty and everyone in the kitchen told me how yummy my brownies were (yay) and it was cool. and then i saw the other girl on the committee bringing her plate downstairs -- still mostly full. she made a comment about how my brownies must have been awesome since they were gone. maybe she was kidding, but i don't care.

BASICALLY EVERYONE LOVED MY BROWNIES AND NOT HERS.

and i realize this has nothing to do with how she is prettier than me or skinnier than me or nicer than me or really anything at all.

but who cares? that's still a win in my book.

little by little.

by the time i fell asleep last night, it was about 10:30 PM. but let's be real -- that's still a significant improvement from the past two weeks. i woke up at 5:10 AM today and went about my life like usual...getting my typical mid-day you've-been-awake-too-long headache around 2 PM. rrr.

it's kind of frustrating. i mean, i went to bed wayyy earlier than i have been. shouldn't i get one great day when i don't have a headache or feel not-good at some point? don't i at least deserve that much???

and the more i thought about it, the dumber it sounded. it seems like results should be instantaneous. you get more sleep -- BOOM. you should have an awesome day. you run six miles a day -- BOOM. you should be able to get in shape in a snap. you eat fruits and vegetables for every meal -- BOOM. your immune system should realize that you are properly nutrified (is that a word?) and take better care of itself.

and yet...that's never the case.

so -- long term. gotta start thinking "big picture." it's not about one night of sleep or one yogilates session or three to five vegetables a day. it's about cultivating good habits and practicing and training your mind and body to do the things they should do.

and even though i'm rational enough now to write it all down...i wish it was the other way. because, wouldn't that just be way easier? *exasperated*

tired.

sometimes when i'm really tired, i think about all of the things i need to do on a given night. like tonight -- i need to study for my spanish test. solidify my lighting design concept for children of eden. do the reading for my pogp class and take a quiz. read a chapter of my international communications book and answer the questions at the end. go for a run. find my blue sweatshirt. buy stuff for collin's cake tomorrow. catch up on the day's news.

even just listing all of those things are exhausting.

and then the best part: instead of doing any of it, i'm going to go to bed instead. yep...at 9:30 on a tuesday night. because for the past two weeks, i haven't had more than (#) of consecutive hours of sleep (i don't know if i want to say it because my mom will think i am crazy...) and now i am just too tired. so now...sleep. g'night all.

week three.

i'm not quite done with my third week of school yet. and guess what?

i'm exhausted.

seems kind of silly, but i still can't seem to get a handle on my sleeping habits. that whole getting up for my 7AM class (everyday!) is really putting a wrench in the cogs of my otherwise awesome life. i'm still just as busy as always, running back and forth between the newsroom and the theatre and classes and trying to do fun things...i just need more time to sleep.

well...to sleep and watch top model. if i had time for those two things, i would be totally good to go.

in other news, after almost three entire weeks of school, i have made it to my 7AM spanish class on-time or early EVERY DAY. i know, i know...i don't know how i've made it this far either...

world of dance.

the show i'm working on this week is "world of dance." it is a lot of things, including ballet dancers, folk dancers, tap dancers, ballroom dancers, modern dancers, and all sorts of other crazy things. it's really entertaining and i've watched it a few times now (with many more performances still to come this week). each dance is so unique and different...very cool overall.

i guess what i'm trying to talk about is diversity. sure, some of these folk dances have been around for ages, but many of the more modern-type dances are very new. if you turned back the clock a couple decades, you wouldn't see dancing or theatre or books or music like you do today.

so in the middle of a week where people can't seem to get over the fact that some mtv execs gave kanye a few too many extra shots of patron before the show, i think we might be better off thinking about how cool it was to have a hip-hop rapper guy and a teenage country singer sharing the stage (if only for a few brief moments) at an awards show that celebrates so many more different kinds of music. this kind of encounter would never have happened if it was just ten or fifteen years ago. "mainstream" music is becoming more diverse and opening the doors for different kinds of experimentation. and if all these worlds happen to collide at the vma's, then i'm okay with that.

...we all know it was probably a publicity stunt anyways.

osu football.

what a ridiculous game today.

can i just say that? they were doing so well until everything just fell apart in the last minute.

at least the owlz won their playoff game tonight. and byu totally owned tulane. but neither victory can make up for the gigantic hole in my heart that grows a little more with every buckeye game that we should have won.

at the store.

went to macey's yesterday evening with my fav roommate and best ex-neighbor to look for some snacks. saw this guy pushing his two kids around in a cart a few times and then again at the check-out lane. what was in their cart?

four boxes of these...

and one of these...

and that was it! overall...greatest dad ever. better watch out for cavities : )

* * * * *

in other news, it was world hula hoop day today. also awesome.

productivity.

i woke up this morning. went to my spanish class. caught up with my home teacher from last semester. had a text battle with my ex-bowling-teacher. came home. read some of the new york times. ran four miles. then came back home to shower and get ready for work.

and it's only 9:30 a.m.

if only i could be this productive all the time...

while i was sleeping...

so i've officially been back in utah for just over a week now. and of course my sleeping schedule is fubar-ed (that's a word i learned at my internship over the summer...it's an acronym, in case you want to try to figure it out) because of the time difference and the non-stop days of driving and the new class schedule and my super-early spanish class and the staying up late and the random naps and everything else.

not that i'm surprised. when my little sister told me she hadn't been getting a lot of sleep lately, i just told her, "welcome to college." but i think i took it one step further this morning.

i'll be honest. i was out late last night. i think i went to bed around four. when i woke up around noon to get ready for church (which is at one), i noticed something unusual on my phone -- i had made a phone call at about 9 a.m...and talked to someone for about ten minutes.

i have no idea what we talked about.

i texted M tonight to ask what i might have said, but he thinks the entire situation is hilarious and won't tell me anything that happened during our conversation. and he's one of my really good friends, so there are very few things i wouldn't talk to him about anyways, but still...hah.

guess i need to find a way to get enough sleep this semester so i can avoid any potentially embarrassing social faux pas over the next few months...

top 7 reasons why my summer was the best ever

...all these gorgeous people!

i miss them : (

cara -- the very first reporter i ever worked with

brittany -- so good at live shots and an awesome vocal coach

kurt -- my desk neighbor and tv idol from when i was younger

andy -- best stand-ups ever and always had fun stories to work on

ross -- full of indispensable advice, words of wisdom, and always had answers to my questions.

lindsey -- such a good storyteller and writer and basically the nicest person there ever was.

ritter -- best photog ever. mostly responsible for turning me into "anna carerra" and probably definitely my favorite person to work with.

(all photos courtesy of ritter thinking to bring a camera on my last day since he figured i might forget)

totally changing my mind.

i love a lot of things.

not being able to do everything i want to is not one of those things.

i wish there was more time in my life but there's just not...and that's frustrating. so can i just say that some things are going to change in order to make this work? because that is just what needs to happen so that i can stay sane for the next few months.

well...maybe "get sane." or at least not die.

transitions.

even though everyone thinks i'm crazy, i honestly didn't mind driving to utah by myself. sure, it was two days of being by myself on the open road, but i seriously need that time for making my big transition.

it's weird...to go from spending my days at channel ten to coming back to provo for school and the daily news and a brand new newsroom (abc4...starting tomorrow!) -- i just need a minute to wrap my head around it. and actually...those two days were probably not quite enough. but oh well. time to jump back into the swing of things and get going.

i've been juggling classes and add/drop cards all day. for the first time in my byu life, i have added a class that was already full...what a rush. to go to a class that i wasn't technically supposed to attend and to gain admittance to it. and now, i get to take it : ) life is good.

my schedule is getting a lot better. aside from my 7AM spanish class (taught by a romanian guy...) everything should be awesome, and i'm even not dreading spanish too much. the teacher seems really cool and he seriously wants us to enjoy coming to class because...duh. it's wayyy early.

i'm trying to figure out if i'll have time to work in the newsroom, but it's looking like i probably won't. i'm still trying to work through my design for "children of eden" and figure out my internship and find time to make some money in between taking a producing class twice a week and a bazillion other things.

oh. and fun. one of the many bits of advice i got from my summer internship -- have fun during my senior year! it makes sense. plus, if i end up getting a job (somehow) after i graduate, this will be the last time i have to just enjoy my life and my lack of (serious) responsibilities. so i'm determined to live it up and do fun things.

so there.

i'm excited for this year. new newsroom, new challenges, fun classes, old friends and lots of opportunities -- i just gotta decide what i want to do.

i still miss my old newsroom though : (

10TV will always have a special place in my <3

p.s. hi mom!

last week / made in china

i am so dreading these next few days.

i hate countdowns. i hate leaving something, even though i know i'm going somewhere that i will be happy and still doing things that i love to do. i hate saying goodbye and i hate knowing that i won't be there and that it just won't be the same again.

this summer has been epic.

in other news, i made a wonderful cobb salad tonight, plus these yummy chicken-filled croissants (it's good...i swear) and i am excited to try my sugar-free blueberry muffin recipe this week. i love cooking so much. also next on my list...cinnamon rolls, from scratch (duh). my new resolution is to make things from scratch whenever i can. it just makes everything taste better.

also, my new computer is en route. i took the dive, made the switch, whatever you want to call it...i'm going to be a mac. i've been a pc for my entire life so this is kind of a big deal. i made the purchase on my laptop and ever since i pushed the "buy now" button, he (yes, my computer is a boy. his name is killer) has been angry and slower than ever. it's like he KNOWS he's being replaced, and in his defense...he is. i still love killer, and it's not like i'm throwing him away or anything. i'm giving him to my mom so she can have a computer that isn't full of daniel's crazy video games when my macbook pro gets here.

and the big news is that MACS COME FROM CHINA. if you didn't know, that's where they make them. probably because that's where all the four-year-old-factory-workers are hiding and they are the best at putting together computers. sad to think that these pre-elementary school kids are better with computers than i ever will be.

but anyways, i've been tracking him (my new computer is definitely a boy) and he started in china and then over the weekend he was in alaska and now he's in tennessee....that's so close! he should be here by tuesday at the latest and i can't wait.

...now...i need to think of a name for my new laptop...

"well...it's a free country!"

i was thinking about this last night when i was brushing my teeth before bed...that familiar adage from elementary school days, when the class bully was doing something particularly mean and the innocent playground civilians were begging him for mercy.

"nooooo don't take jeffy's favorite pokemon card!"
"well...it's a free country!"

and it worked, i guess. we do live in a free country. and while i could delve into the argument of freedom not being free, i choose to abstain. but instead...let me just say to you, young intimidator of small children, your choices have consequences. plus, with karma and all that jazz...what goes around comes around.

i wish i would have thought of that like fifteen years ago. seems like it might have made a logical defense against the third grade terror child, but then, maybe not. it's a good lesson for today though...better think twice before swiping jeffy's pikachu card.

daniel.

he's been visiting my room pretty late the past few nights.

we say family prayer around ten or so and usually not long after that, i hear a knock at my door and my eleven-year-old brother is standing outside. he always has an excuse -- his bed is too hot, he can't find his other pjs, he's tired but he can't fall asleep -- there's always something. so i let him in and he curls up on the other side of my queen-sized bed (that i am going to miss so much when i go back to school...) and watches me as i type and read and write in my notebook.

not long after he lies down, he is out cold.

it is pretty cute. also kind of funny, because then as i try to carry him back to his room and accidentally bump his legs against door frames (he has certainly grown a lot since he was a baby) he doesn't even stir.

i know he's tired. i don't really believe that he "can't sleep." but i don't mind. i'll be gone in a few weeks and i won't get to hang out with him during the wee hours of the night as he falls asleep to the tapping lullaby of my laptop keys. and i think he knows it too.

i'm going to miss him : (

the last everything.

it's that time of my life again...when i start to think about doing everything for the last time.

oy. i hate this part.

but with just a few days left til i leave (or eleven...that seems soon) that's how things are starting to go. who do i need to see again before i go? who have i missed all summer that i need to catch up with? what things do i still want to do in ohio before i leave for a really, really long time?

i started making lists. things to buy, people to see, stuff to try not to forget...

this is why i hate thinking about leaving. i'd rather just go and not worry about it. maybe i'm just jaded from a few too many goodbyes (or billions too many...whatev) but i so hate this part.

going back to school will be good though. with any luck, i'll still have some friends back in provo. my sisters will be there and the newsroom and theatre will still be there and the mountains will be there and my awesome house will be there and charfield will be there and things will be good. and soon...i'll be there too.

yet again, the beginning of the end...before another beginning starts.

shooting stars.

overall i was pretty pissed that i have a ridiculous schedule and couldn't bring myself to wake up at 4 a.m. today to see the meteor shower.

lucky for me, i thought it'd be cool to check it out tonight. and OMG. it was.

if you haven't seen a meteor shower, let me just say that it it not like the pictures they paint in story books. it doesn't rain fire from the sky and more often than not, you'll miss seeing them altogether.

but.

they are so cool.

i was skeptical at first. i thought i might see one. maybe two. but as i laid against the back windshield of my car and stared up at the sky, i was amazed to see quite a few shooting stars. it was like these tiny, burning secrets were falling from heaven and i could cup my hands and catch them, only i wasn't fast enough and they disappeared into the night sky.

...if only i was faster...

anyways, it was beautiful. there's something liberating about being out in the middle of nowhere all by yourself in the darkest part of the night and watching nature do what it does: incinerate things from space when they come in contact with the atmosphere. it's so far away and yet close enough to touch and be a part of. incredible.

so despite looking back and realizing how dangerous it is to be out by myself for hours on end in the middle of the night, i had a fabulous time. can't wait to see them again next year.

leg lifts to the max.

omg.
i have to do so many of these from like a billion different angles.

but for all my complaining, i guess i should say that it's not so bad. today, after spending about 15 minutes listening to elton john and doing my ridiculous self-induced physical therapy, my knee actually doesn't hurt to stand on.

will that feeling last until tomorrow when i wake up?
maybe...maybe not.

but for now...it feels a little better.
i wonder if i should have been able to hear my knee cracking during some of the exercises though...that was a little unnerving, but by the end of it all...not so bad.

overall, lesson learned: do what the doctor says.

sunday morning.

i realize that here in ohio, it is no longer "morning." but if i was in utah (like i will be in a few weeks) it's still the a.m. for a little bit.

can i just say how much i love sundays in general?
...and sunday mornings in particular?
...and the song, "sunday morning," by maroon five?

on a totally different subject, remember how anxiety-filled and excited and nervous i was about coming out to ohio for the summer? i feel the same way about leaving...

the worst thing ever.

definitely doing physical therapy on your own.

you know there's something wrong with you (like your knee's totally effed). and it hurts. and the doctor tells you what to do and then you just have to do it on your own time and be all responsible about it.

ugh. this is like my super-summer of learning to be responsible for things. i mean, i've always been really independent and self-sufficient, but still. i don't like physical therapy, especially when i have to force myself to do it (TWICE a day) and it hurts.

and i know it's the only thing that will make me feel better.
well...that, plus a ton of ice and ibuprofen.

i just want to run.

p.s. as i reread this, all i could think was, wow. i am such a complainer. but my knee hurts and i can't run today so i'm going to be grumpy about it. so there.

can you feel the love tonight?

i heard this song on the radio the other night as i was driving home from work. i couldn't help but remember my very first love story. here it is.

it's winter...decenber-ish. as a family, we drive around and look at christmas lights at night while listening to the radio. the window is cold as i rest my forehead against it and think about the blond-haired boy who sits across from me in art class. he is totally dreamy. plus he's an artist and that is so romantic. today he asked me if he could borrow one of my paint brushes. of course, i said yes. and then we sat next to each other on the bus on the way home.

there's a time for everyone if they only learn
that the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn...

...elton john's melody floats through the cool winter air and mixes with the scent of evergreen trees as i think about the hot apple cider we drank earlier. i love apple cider almost as much as i love luke henry...almost. we're driving slowly, but my love-sick eyes see only sparkles of light and color as my mind wanders back and forth between daydream and reality. in my dreams, everything is perfect. because that's how life is when you're seven years old.

and now whenever i hear that song, it's all i can think about.

don't worry...nothing much became of our little love spell. turns out his birthday is the day after mine and for some reason, the thought of dating someone younger than me seriously grated on my nerves. a stupid little thing, that's for sure, but all's fair in love and paint brushes, i guess. it was fun while it lasted.

<3 feel the love <3
------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT: let's make this post even better. after writing it, i found our beloved mr. henry on fb. and now we're officially friends. oh yeah.

reasons why i'm glad i'm not a t-rex.

1. big head...little arms : )
2. when you go to the dentist, they will scrape all of your teeth for like a half hour, only to tell you that your teeth look "perfect" and to keep doing what you're doing. plus you have tons of teeth because you're a t-rex.
3. probably would be extinct by now.
4. tons of herbivores ganging up on you to try to take you out.
5. huge tail makes it hard to find pants that fit.
6. only two fingers.

REASONS WHY I SORT OF WISH I WAS A T-REX:

1. if you don't like someone, you can totally stomp on them.
2. eat basically whatever you want, whenever you want.
3. king of the dinosaurs means you don't have to be re-elected
4. ridiculous leg muscles.
5. tons of teeth, up to a foot long and all different shapes and sizes.
6. would have totally crunched the dentist yesterday instead of having a check-up.

slick roads.

i've been ranting and raving a lot lately, but there's some things i just need to say and this has become my place to do it. today's topic: cars.

#1. just because it is raining does not mean you have to stop driving. use windshield wipers, turn on your lights, do what you gotta do...just don't stop. especially when you are on the highway and i am behind you.

#2. if you are seriously terrified of driving in the rain because you (a.) have never seen it before in your life or (b.) you are just a total crazy person, then slow down. that's cool too. just don't do it in the fast lane when i'm right behind you (again).

#3. when it's not raining and you are driving really fast and then you suddenly see a cop car and slow down to like 40 MPH (on the highway)...just don't even bother. first of all, he's probably already zapped your speed, so...too late. secondly, who are you kidding? no one actually drives 25 under on the highway, and the cop isn't going to honestly believe you do either. and thirdly, you need to watch better for cops because you have slow reflexes. okay, thanks.

#4. passing on the right is illegal btw.

#5. i'm a nice driver. i really am. just don't do stupid things to make me hate you. that's all i'm saying.

interns.

let me tell two stories. after all...that's what i do.

story #1.

i was chatting with one of the interns today (all the interns have names that start with "k" sounds...like katie or kelly or claire EXCEPT FOR ME. oh and they're blonde too) and she was like, oh when is your last day? and i told her i had about a month to go. she told me it was her last week, which i thought was unusual since it seems like she just got here. apparently she has only been at the station for a month and she is leaving already to go on vacation and then, instead of coming back, she is going to take two weeks off before going back to school.

okay. can i just say that i've been here THREE MONTHS and i don't ever want to leave?

story #2.

another ka-someone was complaining during the morning meeting about how tired she was and how she would so much rather go home and go back to bed than come into work today. and granted, the meeting is at 9 am, and that's kind of early, but seriously. if you don't want to be here...go home.

after 400+ hours (since i'm required to do 280...) i still love every minute of it. there is never a day that i wake up and don't want to go to the station because everything about it is AWESOME. can i just say that? it is.

OH IT IS YOUR LUCKY DAY -- YOU GET A BONUS STORY.

story #3.

i am (working on) posting some of my stories on facebook. it takes FOREVER DAYS to upload them, so it's going to be a process. but if you want to check out me in action...do it.

the end.

my 93 days of summer (so far).

wow...time flies.

i remember writing about how anxious i was for the summer, before i knew what all it had in store for me --

"summer anxiety" - saturday, 21 february 2009, 12:00:14

is it to wrong to be totally anxious about summer when it is still february? i know, i know. there's still such a long way to go. but at the same time...not really.

and while i want to go back to ohio...i sort of don't.

and while i don't mind staying here...i sort of do.

oh, summer anxiety. at least i know i'll have to be back here in september for classes again. that's the one thing i can count on. but even that doesn't thrill me...

looking back, i'm so glad i came to ohio. this is definitely where i needed to be for the past few months and i can't regret any part of my decision to be here. and now that my summer's mostly over...that's still all i have -- the knowledge that i'll be back in utah in 35 days, leaving behind my summer of 10tv and nauvoo and the beach and road trips and friday night movie nights and my ohio friends and the ridiculous boys and lifetime fitness and the fireworks and the singles ward and and my queen-sized bed and all the heartbreaks and let-downs and the amazing dreams-come-true and everything...memories that will be left to fade in the coming months like my barely-there tanlines.

once the calendar flips and i start feeling the pressure of august coming up, i know i'll start being nervous again. as a girl who knows nothing of staying in one place for more than four months at a time before being uprooted again, i know all to well that nothing is for certain. the only true guarantees are goodbyes, and i've grown to hate those as well. at least sad goodbyes mean that your time wasn't wasted...

so here's to the rest of my summer. who knows how it'll end up or whether i'll still be in one piece by the end of it. come what may, and love it...right?

so "utah."

i was born in pittsburgh.

i lived most of my life in ohio.

but i've spent a grand total of 34 months in utah over the past four years, and i'll admit...there are parts of me that are so "utah."

and by "parts of me," i mean maybe just one part (since i've been trying to think of more ways and i just can't find any more). so basically (drumroll, please...) i still think it's weird when people walk around naked in gym locker rooms. and that's it.

there. i said it. no one wants to see that. now put some clothes on.

stars.

i couldn't fall asleep the other night. this is highly unusual for me, since usually i am so busy running around like a crazy person all day that i just pass out the second my head hits the pillow. but for one night this summer...that was not the case. i laid in bed, sleepless, for a while, maybe for minutes at a time, i'm not really sure. (that sure was a lot of commas for one sentence though) but as i was staring at my ceiling, i saw the stars. and i remembered.

wayyy back in the day when i lived in this room, i put glow in the dark stickers on the ceiling, mostly because they are awesome. over time, some of them have fallen off or maybe were taken down, but that night i realized some of them were still there. it gave me super-flash-backs of jumping up and down on the bed with my sisters, trying to get high enough to reach the ceiling so we could put the stickers up, trying to balance a chair on the bed (to no avail) and a bunch of other crazy kid things we did.

being a kid was good times. and now i'm practically a grown-up (sort of). but i still really like the star stickers on my ceiling.

cleaning out my closet.

i've been doing some rearranging this week. i'm trying to consolidate so that i can move all my crap out when i leave at the end of the summer, but it's fixing to be a bigger challenge that i originally planned.

first...there's clothes. omg there's so much clothes. i've already weeded through things i know i can live without and now it's down to the billions of things that i'm not sure i can do without and i sort of want to hang on to...old concert tees, race shirts, things that maybe i haven't worn in a long time but that i can't quite bear to part with. because you NEVER KNOW. you never know. you might need something and then be pissed to remember you've thrown it away.

plus i can't find my new black skirt...where did i put it?!

then there's all my stuff. and by stuff, i mean memories. two of those giant tupperware container things, full of old journals, books, awards, notebooks stuffed with scribbles and notes and love letters and ramblings, pictures, keepsakes, whatever...you name it, i'm emotionally attached to it. i'm determined to get it down to one box before the end of the summer, but that might mean going through every single piece of paper and photograph -- i can't bear the thought of throwing something away without taking one last look and being positive that i can live without it.

this is going to take a while...good thing i've got like a month.5 left...